by Lee Stranahan
Mark Halperin crashed on a friend’s couch the other night and she found this list he’d been scribbling on a legal pad with the header “PILF!!!! in America Right Now Who Aren’t Barack Obama”. My friend eventually figured out PILF stands for either (People or Politicians or Pundits) I’d Like To F-ck based on the graphic doodles that Halperin made in the margins, (Halperin had been doing shots of Jäger all night until the bar he was at kicked him out and he started throwing punches at a bouncer screaming about a disgusting anti-sloppy drunk bias at the establishment.) Anyway – here’s the list…
PILF!!!! in America Right Now Who Aren’t Barack Obama
1. Ann Coulter with her mouth wired shut
2. Either Bay Buchanan or in a pinch, Pat Buchanan with a wig and more Jäger!!!
3. Any Palin of legal age
4. The Morning Joe team but Willie can only watch
5. Barney Frank
UPDATE: Stranahan here. I’d like to apologize for this list’s implied homophobia humor or as experts call it, ‘homo-funny-ia’. Looking at this list, I realized that every single item on my list dervies its ‘humor’ from the notion of Halperin having sex or as experts call it ‘f-cking’ a man. Every item. Again, I’m deeply sorry – although in my defense: gay jokes aren’t funny unless they are about Republicans and then they aren’t funny either, they’re real.