Woodward Is Raping My Childhood

Posted by JumpyPants

I grew up thinking the world of Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein. All the President’s Men was my favorite book (and movie) for a year or two. I wrote a long paper on the book in 8th grade, several years after Watergate, in the early days of Reagan.

But that was all a long time ago, and Bob Woodward has since made himself into a pathetic water-carrier for mass murderers like George W. Bush and Dick Cheney, writing these turgid “inside” books that are about as inside as the lint in Karl Rove’s cavernous navel; in other words, they tell you nothing you couldn’t already imagine yourself, and they’re rife with dialogue that reads as if ripped straight from The Guiding Light.

After six years of helping Bush wage an illegal, immoral war, Woodward did a half-turn toward something resembling journalistic ethics, but it was far too little and far too late, especially for all the dead and wounded Iraqis and Americans. And it’s pretty obvious he did it because he could sense the winds of popularity turning, and, well, you know, he likes to be popular. That’s really important for a good journalist, right, Bob?

And now, Woodward, in his neverending crusade to be relevant (AKA destroy what tattered shreds of ethics remain in his scarecrow skeleton), is attacking President Obama:

“This may be tantalizing but vague,” said the Washington Post scribe. “I don’t think the nanny or household tax problems and so forth are over for the Obama administration…”

Yeah. Six years of propping up Bush, and now that the President has been in office less than a week, Woodward is on the attack. And what an attack it is! Nanny and household tax problems! And so forth problems! WOW! Hold onto your hats, jobless, sick, poor Americans! There might be some nanny payments that weren’t TAXED! SHOCKING! Take that economy, environment, two wars!

Hey, Woodward, did you know that former President Bush said it was okay to do renditions on children as enemy combatants? If you think about it, that’s kind of a nanny problem, too. Will you talk about that, now, you pathetic ass?

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