Posted by Redmond
It takes a special brand of nutted wingness to claim The Holy Bible is a tool of the liberal media. Fortunately, we live in the greatest country on Earth where no depth of stupidity is beyond the grasp of whichever hand isn’t lubing an AK. Which brings us to The Conservative Bible Project via Pharyngula:
They conveniently give an example of the kind of thing that needs to be fixed.
The earliest, most authentic manuscripts lack this verse set forth at Luke 23:34: Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”
Is this a liberal corruption of the original? This does not appear in any other Gospel, and the simple fact is that some of the persecutors of Jesus did know what they were doing. This quotation is a favorite of liberals but should not appear in a conservative Bible.
So basically they want Jesus to be less of a fag. Gotcha.
More entirely serious examples of why the Bible needs to be more Jack Bauer, less Karl Marx after the cut.
There are several striking advantages to a conservative approach to translating the Bible online:
* participants learn enormously from the process
* liberal bias – and lack of authenticity – become easier to recognize and address
* by translating online, this utilizes the growing online resources that improve accuracy
* supported by conservative principles, the project can be bolder in uprooting and excluding liberal distortions
* the project can adapt quickly to future threats from liberals to biblical integrity
* access is free and immediate to the growing internet audience, for their benefit
* the ensuing debate would flesh out — and stop — the infiltration of churches by liberals pretending to be Christian, much as a vote by legislators exposes the liberals
* this would bring the Bible to a new audience of political types, for their benefit; Bible courses in college Politics Departments would be welcome
* this would debunk the pervasive and hurtful myth that Jesus would be a political liberal today
Wait. We’re disguising ourselves as Christians and infiltrating churches now? I completely missed that memo. Also, why would legislators be “exposing” liberals? Are we pulling off jewel heists again? Nobody tells me anything anymore.At any rate, I decided to help these fellows out because I accidentally read the pussy version of The Bible that says to be a Good Samaritan. Forgive me. Or, wait, don’t. That’s for fags, I forgot.The Parable of Jesus and the SUVJesus approached Simon Peter and verily waterboarded him in the mouth. “Queerbait,” the Lord doth said. “My SUV gets horrible gas mileage because I’m totally coming back to Earth way before all that gay shit Al Gore was talking about even happens.”"Yes, Lord,” responded Simon Peter who then confessed to planning 9/11 because the Messiah’s waterboarding was true, and watery.At this time, Thomas arrived with a woman who was stricken ill and wished for Jesus to heal her because she’s a welfare queen who should’ve been making sandwiches.”For my miracled, non-sandal wearing touch, will you promise to keep thy filthy woman parts away from my SUV?” asked the Lord. “For I carry a large assault rifle per my second amendment rights. Which are the best rights that I wrote myself in the Constitution – with angel bullets.”"Yes, Lord,” the woman did say. But this answer was incorrect as she should’ve replied “Socialized medicine is devil talk. And for fags.” For her transgression she was doomed to remain a woman because, seriously, how much worse could Jesus punish her? Think about it.Amen.