Big Bird is a Totalitarian Liberal

Sean Hannity hosted a panel of “experts” on his show yesterday to discuss the ways in which Sesame Street, and more specifically Bird Bird and Elmo, are turning our nation’s children into liberal homosexuals.

I wish I were making that up.

You know you’re about to witness an intellectually stimulating discussion when the first thing your guest says is “yeah I kinda wanna take’m out back and cap’m” after being accused of attacking Elmo, Sesame Street, and Big Bird.

For those who were unable to stomach the entire video — Ben Shapiro, author of Primetime Propaganda, is alleging that Sesame Street is being run by “limousine liberals” who have adopted a platform of “soft bigotry” by catering to black and Hispanic children.

Ken Blackwell, the former Ohio Secretary Of State, chimed in to add that he believes the liberalization of children’s programing represents an assault on the nation’s “moral foundation” and may even be leading to an increase in homosexuality. Blackwell also added that you can see the machinations of a totalitarian and authoritative regime in the programming that our children are being exposed to.

Kirsten Haglund, Miss America 2008 and “good conservative,” clearly demonstrated that she has so far been unable to connect the dots of fiscal conservatism by lamenting the fact that, in today’s economy, both parents have to work in order to make ends meet leaving children with less one-on-one parental interaction. She later went on to add, in a distinctly Freudian manner, that “liberal secular humanists” tend to believe in the value of human nature while conservatives do not. She may be on to something there.

The level of cognitive dissonance and conspiracy-peddling on display here is really quite mind-boggling but it still manages to serve as a breathtakingly-pristine demonstration of why Fox News viewers are the most misinformed of all news consumers.

The success of congressional Democrats and President Obama in preventing the Republicans from killing PBS seems even more delicious after discovering the paranoia and nightmares instilled in the hearts of conservatives by the likes of Sesame Street.

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  • http://twitter.com/KenInCO Ken Johnson

    Miss America also complained about the “hypersexualization of women” in our culture. That’s right, the person who strutted on stage in this while people judged how hot she was.

    http://mcgrealty.files.wordpress.com/2008/01/20080127073109990027.gif

    That’s like Sarah Palin complaining that our schools are failing to teach American history. Also.

  • Robert Scalzi

    When can we shoot these people and put them out their misery and our lives ???

    • willpen

      Not soon enough…

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1495757966 Michael Timothy Biondolillo

    I especially love the last statement…

    “It’s been a frontal attack on the old fashioned work ethic in this country”

    I’d argue that the most sustained attack on the old fashioned work ethic has been the lack of “old fashioned jobs”.

    And who’s fault is that?

  • http://www.politicalruminations.com/ nicole

    Yeah, okay, Sesame St. is liberal if you also agree that decency, kindness, civility, education, and all the other things that they represent to the children of this nation, are also liberal.

    I guess I can agree with that. Cause the Sky Fairy knows, it is beyond difficult to find a Conservative who gives a rat’s ass about anything except sticking it to the poor and the elderly while they themselves count their pennies in their Randian paradise.

    • Dan_in_DE

      This is exactly what I wanted to add, Nicole. It’s a discussion that Conservatives really ought to be tip-toeing around. What would they be teaching children? That human greed is our most essential characteristic? That we should embrace it because Adam Smith said that’s how democracy functions best?

      Because if it’s as I suspect, that Hannity’s ilk want children to be hardened to the cruelty of the world at an early age, and taught that the ends justify the means, then I don’t think they are going to find their position on this to be at all popular. Notice how Hannity cuts the beauty queen off, just as she gets to the nut-meat of the discussion. She points out that Liberals believe in our intrinsic goodness, whereas Conservatives could never be so gullable, and Hannity quickly switches the subject.

  • http://twitter.com/eaglesfanintn eaglesfanintn

    I have to be honest here…I actually couldn’t even bring myself to watch this. I was afraid I would throw my laptop against the wall.
    In elementary school, I was way above my grade’s reading level. A good part of the reason was because I watched Sesame Street and The Electric Company and other PBS children’s programming. I guess learning something while watching television is part of the liberal, commie agenda.

  • http://oneblueeye.me BlueEye

    I’m pretty sure Sean Insanity is sporting a rug there, too. That thing on his head ain’t natural. Neither is the stuff IN his head. And.

  • http://www.broadwaycarl.com Broadway Carl

    Whatever happened to, “If you don’t like it, don’t watch it.”? I’m sure Cookie Monster is a bitchslap to overweight Americans with a sugar obsession. And don’t get them started on Bert and Ernie! But at least they had twin beds.

  • http://cousinavi.wordpress.com cousinavi

    I have a problem with Sesame Street. I watched that damn show as a child and it was an incredibly frustrating experience. I remember, day after goddamn day, Big Bird would be talking to Mr. Snuffalupagus, and the Snuffalupagus would say, “Oh, Bird…I have to go.”
    Snuffie would turn and lumber slowly out of the camera shot. Bob would immediately walk up to Big Bird and say, “Hi, Big Bird. What are you doing?”
    “I was just talking to my friend, Mr. Snuffalupagus.”
    “Oh! You mean your IMAGINARY friend, Mr. Snuffalupagus. There’s no such thing as Snuffalupaguses!”

    !!!

    This would drive me fucking near batshit insane with frustration.
    IT’S A BIG HAIRY FUCKING ELEPHANT, BOB! IT JUST WADDLED DOWN THE STREET! TURN YOUR STUPID FUCKING HEAD!
    Day after goddamn day, they called Bird delusional, hallucinatory, A LIAR…insisted that Snuffalupaguses were not real. I wanted to fucking stab Bob and anyone else who couldn’t see the GIANT HAIRY ELEPHANT THAT COULD NOT BE MORE THAN 10 FEET AWAY. It didn’t fucking sprint off; it would have had to speed up to be fucking SAUNTERING. The natural speed of a Snuffalupagus is LOLLYGAG, for fuck sakes!

    So…twenty years go by. I’m visiting friends who have twin daughters. Karen and I are sitting at the table chatting, the girls are watching Sesame Street. Big Bird is talking to Snuffalupagus. Bob comes walking up: “Hi Bird! Hi Snuffie!”

    I swear to god, time stood still. The television zoomed toward me in some weird 3-D effect. “HI BIRD…HI SNUFFIE?” HI SNUFFIE????????
    WHAT IN THE HELL?!?!?
    Where was the fucking episode brought to you by the letters F.U. and the number ONE – ONE FUCKING SNUFFALUPAGUS, Bob!
    Where was the episode where Big Bird got to jam a wing full of hairy elephant shit down Bob’s throat screaming, “See! Do you see it NOW, BOB? DOES THAT LOOK LIKE A FUCKING HALLUCINATION TO YOU?”

    Turns out Mr. Snuffalupagus is named EUGENE, and there’s a whole fucking FAMILY of Snuffalupagi living in the area, which no one ever saw!
    And I’m STILL not fucking happy about what those rotten cocks at the Children’s Television Network inflicted on me as a child.

    Oh sure, I enjoyed Grover, and Bert and Ernie, and those dudes who live in a capital I in the middle of the desert in the center of the sky and all day long they polish on the I, and it didn’t bother me much that the little round-headed blue fella could never manage to get Grover to bring him the food he wanted. I dug Roosevelt Franklin, and the 12 song…but that was some hideous fucking shit they pulled with the Snuffalupagus and I will never forgive them for it.

    • http://www.politicalruminations.com/ nicole

      rolling on the floor………damn it, Avi. :)

    • muselet

      Where was the episode where Big Bird got to jam a wing full of hairy elephant shit down Bob’s throat screaming, “See! Do you see it NOW, BOB? DOES THAT LOOK LIKE A FUCKING HALLUCINATION TO YOU?”

      I think my laughter just frightened the neighbors.

      -alopecia

    • willpen

      Damn… I used to feel the same way while watching it with my Son..lol…. so glad that I am not alone in the world…

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_7VZNIFV5UXBX5LETCRH34M5HG4 Staci Bass

      It is fucking one o’clock in the morning, and I’m giggling like a maniac. Never should have read this shit before bedtime. I’m as charged as a kid on a sugar high now.

  • http://twitter.com/KenInCO Ken Johnson

    LMAO cousinavi! I didn’t know adults can see him now, either. I had to look it up on Wikipedia:

    This running gag ended with the Season 17 premiere of Sesame Street, episode 2096 (first aired November 18, 1985, following the release of the Sesame Street film Follow That Bird). Big Bird is sick and tired of not having the grown-ups believing him when he tells them about Snuffy, so he decides to arrange for them to come to his nest and meet Snuffy when he yells the signaling word, “Food!” He chooses this word because he knows the grown-ups will not believe him if he tells them his real reason for inviting them to his nest, and “food” is a more credible lure. When Big Bird calls out the word, Snuffy runs off to tell his mother about the meeting, so once again the grown-ups just miss him. Gordon, wanting to help, suggests to Big Bird that he needs someone to help him keep Snuffy in his nest, and Elmo offers to be the one. Snuffy returns, then tells Elmo he had better go home and brush his fur to prepare for the grown-ups’ arrival, but Elmo holds on to his snuffle so he cannot go. Big Bird yells, “Food!” and one by one the adults come and see Snuffy for the first time ever. After Snuffy introduces himself, Big Bird does an “I told you so” routine to the adults. Susan (Loretta Long) apologizes on behalf of the group for disbelieving Big Bird for so long and tells him, “From now on, we’ll believe anything you tell us.” She then arranges for Snuffy to introduce himself with a “snuffle-shake” to everyone one by one. The entire Sesame Street cast henceforth sees Snuffy regularly on the show.

    In an interview on a Canadian telethon that was hosted by Bob McGrath, Snuffy’s performer, Martin P. Robinson, revealed that Snuffy was finally introduced to the main human cast mainly due to a string of high profile and sometimes graphic stories of pedophilia[citation needed] and sexual abuse of children that had been aired on shows such as 60 Minutes and 20/20. The writers felt that by having the adults refuse to believe Big Bird despite the fact that he was telling the truth, they were scaring children into thinking that their parents would not believe them if they had been sexually abused and that they would just be better off remaining silent.

  • imavettoo

    I wonder if Ben Shapiro’s testicles will ever drop.

  • Robert Scalzi

    If Hannity’s premise had merit ( which it does not, as a matter of fact he’s full of shit about everything) then everyone under the age of 45 would be lesbian, gay , bi , or trans-gender, since not everyone under 45 is his theory is false. I wonder if his head would explode if presented with that Fact

  • muselet

    WARNING: Watching the above video WILL make you stupider.

    -alopecia

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000412161924 Veronica Davies

    Colbert can give his writers the day off. Show just wrote itself.

  • willpen

    Where the fuck have these people been for the last 42 years. They pick NOW as the time to start talking crap about Sesame Street after all these years. Seems to me that they have run out of legitimate reasons to complain about the “libs” so now they are just pulling stuff out of their butts.

    I raised two children on Sesame Street and there were many many days back then when this was one of the very few children’s programs on television. My two children have grown up just fine. Neither of them have turned out to be mass murderers. They are just normal people who happened to be lucky enough to have had such a wonderful influence on their young lives back then.

    • http://cousinavi.wordpress.com cousinavi

      Yeah, like they’re gonna tell YOU about the bodies buried in the garage.

    • Robert Scalzi

      Except for the where the hell have they been for 42 yrs you are right on the money Will !!
      the attacks on Sesame Street and PBS have been going on since the Nixon Admin, the difference now is that since their arguments have never had merit they’re doubling down on the Crazy

  • likala

    Not surprising considering the bullet proof glass Roger Ailes insisted on having installed in his office to keep ‘the gays’ from getting him. These are not the actions of a normal person.

    Roger, Sean and the rest of the anti-gay nut cases known as Fox News…

    latent much?

  • Brutlyhonest

    They hate SS and EC for treating people equally – it’s a thorn in the side of their bigotry. And teaching rudimentary Spanish? The baby jeebus cries every time a poor white kid says abierto, cerrado!

    Uneducated/mis-informed people are easier to manipulate.

  • googleamonopoly

    Sesame Street has it’s fringe moments where the agenda grinder is in full display. It’s not entirely terrible once you get over the fairies, delusional imaginary friends and other borderline matters – like the animals.

    There’s something slightly wrong with humanizing animals to the degree that they are on Sesame Street. Isn’t Big Bird a sandwich at McHappy’s fast food place at lunch time?

    Electric Company stands in a much sharper contrast to normalcy. Kids with “superpowers”, constant mischief and wizardry. Then there is the non stop urbanized rap lingo, music and themes. In between that mess are a few word-sound breakdowns… Who is the age demographic for this show?

    If children are struggling with the very simple words they slice and dice (actually regular animation where one of the characters whips out a huge knife and axes words) are they really needing to be reached via cultural lowness of rap and with many of the lacking story lines?

    Is this Fox Piece entirely bad,? No. Putting a cap in Big Bird? Uncalled for. But, when discussion was current about de-funding PBS, that line might have applied in a relative way.

    Mr. Shapiro’s book is likely a better read with a Who’s Who list of insiders telling the truth. Hard to summarize a book and research on a four person panel and have it be “entertaining” to the ADD audience that flutters in front of their TV set.

    • ranger11

      I’d like to bust a cap in yo’ ass!

    • Brutlyhonest

      While you appear to have the intellect of a small child, you definitely don’t have the imagination of one.

  • zirgar

    I love this: “‘liberal secular humanists’ tend to believe in the value of human nature while conservatives do not.” So true, except for in the marketplace, where conservatives (for some reason) seem to think that only the purest of motives and the best of intentions abound and are its very foundation.