What Could Go Wrong?

What better way to entice new customers to your business than to hand out assault rifles at the door like some kind of party-favor?

One Florida company has found a novel way of enticing new customers to open accounts that takes advantage of America’s lax gun laws: offering people free AK-47 assault rifles! The Broward Palm Beach New Times reports that MerchantService.com, a Sarasota-based company that provides the equipment and processing for businesses’ credit card transactions, announced its “Free AK-47 Giveaway” last Thursday. Based on the size of their order, customers can redeem a voucher for an AK-47 worth up to $750. Their website features a “God, Guns & Guts” banner as part of its “No Victims” campaign that promotes carrying assault rifles to protect against robberies and other crimes. “

Open an account. Receive a free AK-47!

What could go wrong?

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  • http://twitter.com/bubblegenius Bubble Genius

    Wow, since we opened our official workshop, we’ve had tons of calls from merchant services, but ain’t nobody offered us an assault rifle yet. Jesus, what a bunch of yahoos. Sigh.

  • http://twitter.com/gbeaudette Grant Beaudette

    Ideology that isn’t tempered by reality is supremely dangerous.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Maya-Grafmuller/1251338303 Maya Grafmuller

    That made me throw up in my mouth a little. :(

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=6841653 Thom Gillespie

    I’m willing to bet that carrying an assault rifle to Kroger’s results in fewer robbers while shopping. 8-)

  • Martin Pierce

    Perhaps if they did some kind of co-op promotion with a liquor distributor they’d have the perfect campaign. Yup, ’cause the only thing that would make this better would be to add some inebriation.

  • http://drangedinaz.wordpress.com/ IrishGrrrl

    I am willing to bet that some of the recipients will be future Darwin Award winners….’Hey Darrell, watch this!’

  • Robert Scalzi

    I think they might be worried about the crime rate going down so they’re just priming the pump so to speak…. WTF ??

  • D_C_Wilson

    AK-47s?

    Couldn’t they at least give away an American made gun?

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Rick-Janes/607039439 Rick Janes

      They’d probably like to give away an M-16, except even American gun nuts know the US-made assault rifle is notoriously unreliable. It’s like the B-2 bomber — it only works in fair weather, and sometimes not even then.

  • muselet

    Because the best way of dealing with an armed robbery is a close-quarters gun-battle with semi-automatic weapons.

    Egads.

    –alopecia

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Rick-Janes/607039439 Rick Janes

      But think of the ad campaign: “Jack Daniel’s and Kalashikov — partners in fighting crime!”

      • BuffaloBuckeye

        I’d go with Smirnoff & Kalashikov; but your point is valid.

    • trgahan

      You forgot to add “..by amateurs with no training in the use of semi-automatic weapons in live fire conflict situations.”

  • jmby

    Are you fucking kidding me? Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?

    Speechless.

    • incredulous72

      Ditto!

  • BuffaloBuckeye

    So, how the hell did this outfit score these AK-47′s?