The Daily Caller is an Embarrassment

“The End of My White Guilt”

That’s the title of the latest masterpiece from the Daily Caller, which may have been an alternate headline chosen after “I’m Done Pretending I’m Not Racist” was deemed too blatant. The latter would seem more representative after reading the opening line.

My white guilt died on Good Friday, April 6, 2012. That was the day my bike got stolen.

It’s obvious where this is going, isn’t it?

When I got home I vented to my friends. I told them I was going to scour those neighborhoods until I found the bike. In reply, a liberal friend gave me a lecture about profiling and told me to just forget about the bike. “That person needs our prayers and help,” she said. “They haven’t had the advantages we have.”

That’s when I lost it. I had been carefully educated by liberal parents that we are all, black and white, the same. My favorite movie growing up was “In the Heat of the Night.” Yet that often meant not treating everyone the same. It meant treating blacks with a mixture of patronizing condescension and obsequious genuflecting to their Absolute Moral Authority gained from centuries of suffering. It meant not treating everyone the same.

It meant leaving valuable things like a bike in a vulnerable position in a black part of town because you didn’t want to admit that the crime is worse in poor black neighborhoods.

[...]

It felt good to say it: Black pain is no different than white pain. I’m tired of people using the moral authority of past generations for their own personal gain and self-aggrandizement. Soledad O’Brien, a Harvard graduate, acts like she just stepped off the Amistad.

Because author Mark Judge’s bike was stolen, which may or may not have been at the hands of a black person (he admits he can’t know for sure), he finally has an excuse to stop pretending he isn’t racist.

Because his bike was stolen, he finally has an excuse to stop caring about “centuries of suffering” perpetrated by men much like himself.

Because his bike was stolen, he believes he now has the moral authority to downplay the suffering of those whose entire lives have been disparaged for no reason other than the color of their skin, because their pain is no different than his pain. Their trauma, for being racially profiled and condescended, is no different than his trauma following the loss of his “sharp silver-blue hybrid from L.L. Bean.”

And that’s not hyperbole. The majority of the column is spent daydreaming and fantasizing about riding his bike on Easter weekend, only to have his dreams dashed by someone who may or may not have been black. Only to have everything he was taught by his parents come crashing down around him as his beloved bicycle vanished. Stolen by a black man. Maybe. Who knows?

I cannot fathom how astonishingly coddled, sheltered, and privileged you would have to be to not be utterly embarrassed for publishing this 800 word black-guy-stole-my-bike joke, filled with I-scabbed-my-knee belly-aching. All in the name of justifying racial insensitivity and willful ignorance. Because affluent white guys are victims too!

Disgraceful.

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  • moelarryandjesus

    I hope someone finds the bike and shoves it up Judge’s ass.

  • gescove

    Just one question… who buys their bicycles from L.L. Bean?

    • Nefercat

      Dootyheads like Mark Judge?

  • deacrick

    We need more folks to drop the pretense and be overtly racist. That way we will know who they are and assign the proper health care workers to insert their catheters and change their diapers.

  • http://twitter.com/SugaRazor Razor

    Can we submit that entire article to WhiteWhine.com?

    Jesus Christ, what is it about the Trayvon Martin story that has caused people to just stop hiding their racism? Somehow, unarmed black teenager getting shot by a grown man with a vigilante complex has given these assholes a platform to say “DON’T VOTE FOR BLACK PEOPLE!” and “NIGGERS STOLE MY BIKE!”

    Jesus H. Christ.

  • Username1016

    My bike got stolen too. Fortunately I’m a grown-up. I bought a new one and am more careful about locking it. End of story.

    Some people.

    • moelarryandjesus

      Exactly. I had a bike stolen in a white neighborhood once. Should I now hate my white self?

  • Miranda

    In the words of Denny Green:
    They are who we thought they were.

  • Victor_the_Crab

    Good. If he doesn’t care about hiding his racism anymore, than he won’t care about getting all his teeth smashed out of his fucking mouth.

  • http://www.osborneink.com OsborneInk

    The author is to be praised for riding a bike. Now if they could just explain why they support a political party that keeps trying to eliminate bike lane and bike rack funding from the transportation bill?

    • JMAshby

      One that believes bike-sharing is a plot from the UN to install one-world-government.

      (wish I were making that up)

  • margietalks

    This guy is pathetic. It’s a bike. I’m sorry it got stolen. It says a lot about his shallow self for this guy to start blaming the entire black population for a crime when he does not know who stole the bike. And if it turns out that it was a black person who stole the bike, does that mean the entire black population should be held accountable? This guy just revealed something big about himself that has been in place for a long time. We should not stop trying to get along with each other and understand each other just because unfortunate things happen. What a big baby!

    • Ken Lovell

      Sheesh I don’t imagine for a moment any of this story is actually true. Conservatives love making up stories to justify their ideology.

  • http://twitter.com/bubblegenius Bubble Genius

    Wait till Judge finds out his Topsiders are missing.

  • muselet

    Roy Edroso finds the perfect reaction:

    I’ll leave the last word to an especially astute Daily Caller commenter:

    I stole your bike. I only did it because you’re a wanker. I didn’t actually want it, or want to sell it for drugs or beer or anything. I just wanted to throw it in the river. So I threw it in the river.

    A thing of beauty, that is.

    –alopecia

  • http://mdblanche.myopenid.com/ mdblanche

    The Daily Caller: Shamelessly devoted to making Fox News look good by comparison.

    • Victor_the_Crab

      They’re all the same bunch of bad apples.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_IXXZYGVDXUE5LTKXFAKHGN237U jimbo123

    sounds like somebody had themselves a “derbyshire moment”

  • Thx4Fsh

    It must have been cathartic for Judge to toss aside his pretenses. Even if he was only fooling himself that he was not a racist. Oh sure he thought he was giving up some emotionally comfortable thing called ‘white guilt.’ White guilt is what racists think explains the behavior of non-racists. This was a disturbing and embarrasing rant, but one guaranteed to go right over the heads of other racists, while appearing as a white-hot-spotlight-on-an-idiot to the rest of us