Romney is Practicing ‘Zingers’ for the Debate

Posted on September 30, 2012 at 9:55 am by Bob Cesca

Yes. The most unfunny man on the planet is practicing pre-scripted ‘zingers’ to use on the President of the United States during the first presidential debate on Wednesday.

Believing that the debates will come down to a few key sound-bites, Romney has been memorizing and practicing “a series of zingers” that his team has written for him. Romney has practiced delivering these lines on aides since August.

Romney is hoping to make Obama look “smug” or “evasive” without coming off as an annoying scold. Specifically, Romney is hoping to goad Obama into making a comment like the ungracious “you’re likable enough” dig he tossed at Hillary Clinton in the primary debates four years ago.

First, due to the fact that he’s a stiff, awkward, ungainly robot, he’s going to need a lot more time than just six weeks to master the art of “zingers.” Second, this is how he intends to change his fortunes and attain the presidency? With zingers? If that doesn’t work, what’ll he do in the second debate? Juggling? They’ve prepped the most unfunny man in America with jokes — and this is going to somehow help him. That, in and of itself, is effing hilarious.

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  • http://twitter.com/KenInCO Ken Johnson

    Zinger does not equal joke. You don’t have to be funny to deliver one.

    zing·er
    n. Informal
    1. A witty, often caustic remark.

    I think Romney is going more for the “I knew Jack Kennedy; Jack Kennedy was a friend of mine. Senator, you’re no Jack Kennedy” type of zinger than something that is intended to be amusing. They’ll probably come across so poorly that they’ll be unintentionally funny.

  • roxsteady

    This reminds me of an episode of The Odd Couple when Oscar was on a talk show. I can’t remember if it was with Richard Dawson, Dick Cavett, or David Steinberg but, Oscar was telling lots of funny stories about Felix. Felix was so mad that he hired a joke writer and got himself booked on the show and kept rattling off these one liners that had nothing to do with the conversation. He wasn’t funny and basically bombed. I suspect that this is what will happen to Mitt. I can’t wait!

    • DerFarm

      More likely the response of the nerdy ass to the HS Quarterback in back of the gym:

      Q: I need a smoke. You got a match?
      NerdyAss: yeah {snort giggle snaggle} MY FACE AND YOUR ASS!!

      A zinger is a sad thing to waste.

    • KABoink_after_wingnut_hacker

      I remember that episode.
      We should expect the same outcome from our 2012 Felix Unger.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Michael-Norris/1597765442 Michael Norris

    “Believing that the debates will come down to a few key sound-bites,”

    That could be translated to, “Believing that the American people don’t know anything…” Republicans are the limit. These debates aren’t going to change anyone’s mind about how they are going to vote.

    At least Willard is consistent. Instead of working on building a case for why anyone should vote for him–or, and this is kind of unconventional I realize–communicating his plans for the economy, he is working on zingers.

    Surely thinking of something clever and smarmy will sway six or seven percent of the voters to vote for Willard. Working on zingers instead of developing a plan to deal with issues. Seriously?

    • Username1016

      Like Ross Douthat’s column today — on and on about how voters have acclimated to the “new normal,” and that’s why they’re not turning on Obama (poor misguided fools!) — but not ONE SINGLE WORD supporting the proposition that Romney would be an improvement. Because, of course, he wouldn’t. Conservatives aren’t even TRYING to make that case.

  • KABoink_after_wingnut_hacker

    So this is what is has come down to for Rmoney….rehearsing witty repartee on the chance there’s a suitable opportunity to deliver a one-liner with impeccable timing.
    Of course, anyone can be like Letterman in three short lessons, just ask any robot.

  • JosephP

    We got a taste of a Romney “zinger” during his 60 Minutes interview. Scott Pelley pointed out to him that when it comes to the budget, “The devil is in the details.”

    Romney’s zinger: “Yes, but the angel is in the policy!”

    I don’t think Obama needs to worry too much about Romney zingers!

  • muselet

    Nothing says witty and spontaneous quite like staff-written zingers that have been practiced for a couple of months.

    If this really is his debate strategy, Mitt Romney’s performance will make the Hindenburg look like a birthday candle.

    –alopecia

    • http://mdblanche.myopenid.com/ mdblanche

      A long time favorite at Blue Mass Group, where they knew all about the walking disaster that is Mitt long before the rest of the country did.

      • muselet

        Ah, well, so much for being original …

        –alopecia

        (And that image made me laugh out loud.)

  • Draxiar

    “Given Obama’s existing lead in the polls, the team’s overall strategy is to avoid blowing it rather than going in for the kill.”

    Translation:

    Romney’s Advisors: “Okay Mitt, we’ve done everything we can to try make you appealing- because you have no real policies or stances to campaign on- and you keep fucking it up. So, during the debate, just don’t say anything stupid.”

  • 1933john

    I wonder if they will try, “There you go again”, it worked one time before,
    well maybe not, he won’t know when to use it.

    • D_C_Wilson

      He might try “Where’s the beef?”, too.

  • D_C_Wilson

    According some campaign insiders, instead of going over the prep material given her, Palin spent the time leading before her debate with Biden downloading prayer apps.

    Given that Mitt is at least as shallow as Palin and has no real policies of his own, it’s hardly surprising that he isn’t spending much time prepping on things like, policy.

  • Marcel_Fine

    Um, does someone want to tell Mitt that after Obama said the “you’re likable enough” line, he went on to win that race?

  • Brutlyhonest

    Remember when Costanza didn’t have a comeback line when the guy hammered him for eating all the shrimp? So Costanza tracks him down at a different company, in a different city and builds up to his “zinger”? Then he flops horribly (he is Costanza after all).

    Well, that’s what i expect from Rmoney.

    • http://profiles.google.com/rollotamasi13 Rollo Tamasi

      “But, there are no jerk stores.”

      • Brutlyhonest

        HaHa!

        After the republican primary, I think there IS a jerk store now.

  • http://twitter.com/bubblegenius Bubble Genius

    I’m clearly going to need to buy more weed for Wednesday’s debates.

    • incredulous72

      I’ve already bought my 2 bottles of Cab.

  • Victor_the_Crab

    Mitt Romney can prepare all the zingers he can. But, it would seem, the best ones will come from President Obama, when all is said and done.

    • incredulous72

      And Obama has so much more material to work with.