The Whiny Diaper Baby Secessionists

Just a brief word about the people signing the petitions supporting the secession of Texas, North Carolina, Alabama and the other usual suspects.

Anyone who says they want to secede might as be saying, “Waaaaaah! I want a unicorn!”

Secession will never happen. Ever. I don’t care how many people whine and pout and make doodies in their big-boy pants, no state will ever leave the Union. The federal government will never allow it. State legislators will never support it broadly enough to vote for it — if at all.

Incidentally, secession is an act of treason. Let that sink in.

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  • zirgar

    Despite all the ideology and rationale behind it, here’s what the secessionists are saying: We didn’t get our way so we’re leaving.

    Just a bunch of fairweather citizens and sore, pathetic losers.

  • Draxiar

    I’d love to see their reaction when they lose a game of Candyland.

    These people are just fucking pathetic. The country they “want back” never existed.

  • M312

    Let’s give them Arkansas as their new country. If the whole nation isn’t consumed by a tire fire within three days, I’d be surprised.

  • margietalks

    I also think it a case of ‘sore loser.’ The question has already been settled with the loss of over 600,000 American lives. It’s sickening to think about what our country endured during the Civil War. And now these fools throw out the concept of secession. We’ve had presidents elected that I could barely stand but I am not ready to give up the country I love just because of who’s currently in charge. The same group who are crying for secession are probably the same ones yacking about “Merica’ and the flag and God and the American way. Get a hobby and get over it!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=663669914 Sean Richardson

    “Incidentally, secession is an act of treason.”

    What is the reasoning behind this? I only ask because it doesn’t seem to inherently meet the Constitutional definition of treason, unless it comes with a threat of violence against the United States. I do believe that it is, I’m just curious to see the citations. Was it a Supreme Court ruling?

    [If it’s not clear, I do realize that it is unconstitutional, but an act can be unconstitutional without being treasonous.]

    • gescove

      Wikipedia: “The United States Supreme Court ruled in Texas v. White, 74 U.S. 700 (1869) that unilateral secession was unconstitutional while commenting that revolution or consent of the states could lead to a successful secession.” And the Constitution, Article 3 Section 3: “Treason against the United States, shall consist only in levying War against them, or in adhering to their Enemies, giving them Aid and Comfort. ” I seems to me that in declaring unilateral secession (an unconstitutional act) a state would be declaring itself an enemy of the United States (a treasonous act). But, regardless, the question was settled back in 1865 at a cost of over a million casualties, including more than 600,000 people killed.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=663669914 Sean Richardson

        The question of whether unilateral secession was *legal* was, I would agree, settled in 1865. However, the question of whether secession is treasonous does not seem to have been settled, unless you are referring to the fact that not a single secessionist was ever charged with or tried for treason, and inferring this as a de facto settlement.

        “a state would be declaring itself an enemy of the United States (a treasonous act)”

        I don’t think that logic follows. Being a country which is independent of the United States is hardly the same thing as being an enemy of the United States.

        Also, the Supreme Court ruling you cite is at odds with what you’re trying to prove; “revolution” could quite obviously be interpreted as “War against [The United States]”, but “consent of the states” would not only not be treasonous, but — from what Chase (I’m assuming) wrote — would actually be legal. So it would appear that he’s saying that secession can be legal, if the other states agree (via some method that he does not appear to specify). That raises an interesting question of what the legal method would involve, and especially how it would start — would all the other states have to say “Let’s kick Texas out” to start it, or would it be reasonable for Texas to petition the other states and then they vote on it or whatever?

        That’s pretty interesting; thanks for pointing me towards that.

        • mrbrink

          You seem to be relying on the idea that secession is a peaceful act. That would be a terrible mistake.

          The treason comes when you have to defend your “sovereignty.”

          • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=663669914 Sean Richardson

            “The treason comes when you have to defend your “sovereignty.””

            In other words, the “treason” is not the secession itself. Which I agree with. The “treason” comes when you openly commit an act of war against the United States while claiming sovereignity by way of an illegal secession.

            “You seem to be relying on the idea that secession is a peaceful act.”

            Not true. It’s that you guys are defining it in such a way that it is inherently not peaceful, which is not automatically true. I am “relying on” the idea that secession is either peaceful or not peaceful.

          • mrbrink

            Declaration of secession is unconstitutional and an act of treason.

            There is no reasonable, real-world context to entertain in which you could claim otherwise.

            A peaceful secession? Led by whom? Corporate lobbyists rewriting states’ rights? Rick Perry? Karl Rove?

            Consider the source for all this loose talk of revolution, civil war, secession, and treason.

  • Zen Diesel

    Although it will never happen think of all the extra money the federal government would have once the moochers “secessionist states” leave the union.

    • incredulous72

      EXACTLY!!!

      For jeebus sake, LET THEM LEAVE!!!

  • GeneralLerong

    Have been amusing myself trying to come up with possible responses from the hapless staff tasked with responding to these petitions:

    “Thank you, your effort has greatly simplified the work of the FBI.”

    “Here is your summons. As a true patriot and supporter of the Constitution, you will surely understand why charges of sedition are being brought against you. See you in court.”

    “Federal funding to your state, and specifically your county and home town, has been cut back for the following programs, farm and oil subsidies….”

    “Congratulations! [your small hometown here] has been selected to host the new industrial prison complex/pharmaceutical marijuana plantation/exclusive gated retirement villa and resort for foreign millionaires/national storage facility for toxic and radioactive waste…”

    Anybody? Anybody?

    • bphoon

      I vote for, “Um…no.”

  • rob black

    What is really funny about most of these states, is that apparently, their citizenry doesn’t realize that they are net takers. That for every single dollar in federal taxes their state pays, they get that dollar plus (x) back!
    Maybe a year where they only get back what they put in would cure their desire to take all their toys and leave.
    Close a few military bases, cut off a few farm subsidies, no new road money..that kind of thing.
    Reminds me of the representatives who voted against the stimulus..and then had their pictures taken back home accepting the checks.
    I wanted Obama to say: Oh, you didn’t vote for this money…sorry then..none for you!

  • http://twitter.com/lexphiles Alexis Rowe

    My Facebook newsfeed is flooded with secessionist crap. It makes me both ill and sad. I can, with every ounce of me, say that I would not be bitching about secession if Mittens had won.

  • GrafZeppelin127

    Well, bear in mind that as far as these people are concerned, electing Democrats is an act of treason.

    That said, I’m in favor of secession. I’d love to see how their supply-side Bible-based utopia works out in real life. We get to keep the Constitution, the military, the name “United States of America,” and all the major sports leagues. They can have NASCAR.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_SBL64RBDUTDTYXXDUNRMCUW2XY MaikeH

      In most of the red states, about 40% of the people voted for Obama, and we are no less American than the 49ish% of Floridians who voted for Romney.

      This secession crap, from either side, has to stop.

      • GrafZeppelin127

        I’m not saying anybody’s any more or less American. And as childish as it is to say this, when it comes to the revival of 1850’s ‘secesh’ talk, they started it. I can’t speak for anyone else, but I wasn’t petitioning the White House for New York to secede from the union after the 2004 election.

        What “has to stop” is this sick, twisted, vicious, seething, psychotic, intemperate hatred for people we don’t vote for, and for people who do vote for the people we don’t vote for. There are differences between us and there are differences between our two major political parties, but they don’t justify this. They should engender debate and compromise, not hate and paranoia.

        • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_SBL64RBDUTDTYXXDUNRMCUW2XY MaikeH

          “What “has to stop” is this sick, twisted, vicious, seething, psychotic, intemperate hatred for people we don’t vote for, and for people who do vote for the people we don’t vote for.”

          I totally agree. But after reading comment after comment of “we should not only let them secede; we should kick the out of the Union,” “let’s just sell them to Mexico,” “let’s bomb them and use their land for wind farms,” “why don’t you shut up and go watch an execution?” one does get a bit defensive.

          We’re just as sick and tired of those idiots as everyone else. But being told to leave already (but chip in for Patrick Murphy’s legal expenses on your way out) doesn’t help.

          • GrafZeppelin127

            I don’t see any such comments on this board, nor have I made any such comments anywhere.

            I wouldn’t put too much stock in what people say in response to ridiculous threats made by ridiculous people. These secessionists think they can get what they want — a Republican president — by threatening to secede; they’re like children who threaten to do awful things to themselves just to get other people to beg them not to. “No! Please! Don’t! I’ll do anything!”

            Granted, some people go too far in expressing their disdain and intolerance for such foolishness. But they are not equivalent.

          • incredulous72

            MaikeH, you are more than welcome to my state. In fact we need more people (lost quite a bit of our population over the last 12 years).

            I think the point being made is that those wanting to secede from the Union are clueless as to what they are actually asking for. If those wanting to secede could be extracted from those that do not want to secede, we would finally have a decent union; and not necessarily because we all agree, but because we all realize that for better or worse this is All Our United States.

    • bphoon

      I’d love to see how their supply-side Bible-based utopia works out in real life.

      Secession won’t be necessary. Just keep an eye on Kansas for the next couple of years.

  • i_a_c

    Seriously, what do these people fucking think will happen? That they’ll just leave, you know, no problem! Obama will smile and wish them on their way!

    No, there will be people with guns and scary-looking aircraft coming to talk them out of it if they did try to secede. I’m guessing that it won’t work out so well for them.

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/G7EYTJGXSM2AF4SLQEFSURBZSI Dennis

    A Canadian friend commented during the Ontario separatist moement “Let ‘em go and oh by the way here’s your share of the national debt, PAY UP”. Texas scenario: OOPS, there goes Ft Hood, OOPS NASA, OOPS defense manufacturing, OOPS no infrastructure funds, OOPS you’ll need a isa to cross into the US, OOPS, OOPS, …
    The folks who sign these petitions, think of nothing but their animus toward the “other” in their “white house”.
    An example of the lack of thought about their positions, eg: tea party, A brand new Dodge pickup truck (nicely decked out I might add) drives up to the local Lowes. The tailgate and bumper are covered in anti Obama stickers including one: paraphrase-Obama is writing checks the bank can’t cash. Dumbass doesnt’t realize the vehicle he is driving was available for purchase because of one of those checks? WTF?

    • Nefercat

      And I’m guessing that if he wrote a check for the total amount of the cost of his shiny new truck, the bank couldn’t cash it, either.

    • bphoon

      Probably need to build a fence along the north bank of the Red River. Gotta keep those illegal Texans out, you know.

  • Zen Diesel

    If the bible thumping baby jesus secessionist decide leave the union, I imagine that our ranking in Education with the rest of the world will rise a few ticks.

  • TiredOfThePhonies

    Someone should explain to the morans what the would lose if they could remove themselves from the U.S.:

    United States currency
    Federal Banks
    Federal Correctional Institutions
    Federal Highway Systems
    Federal Public Health Institutions
    Military Major Bases and Installations
    Federal Buildings
    All U.S. Post Offices
    All United States Courthouses
    All federal law enforcement agencies
    Federal Funding to Schools
    Federal funds from FEMA when the next hurricane wipes their a**** of of the map

  • muselet

    To save myself some typing (well, cutting-and-pasting) and to give IrishGrrrl some page views, I’ll point you here, both for her take on the secession movement and my comment.

    –alopecia

    • http://drangedinaz.wordpress.com/ IrishGrrrl

      Thanks alo! I was wondering where all the Cescans were coming from. :)

      • muselet

        Sometimes my laziness pays off.

        –alopecia

  • D_C_Wilson

    Looking around the wingnut blogs about these secessionists is hysterical. Every one has a rant about how Obama has “transformed” America into a socialist state where no one has to work and everyone is dependent on the government, as if the government has already nationalized every industry and welfare was something Obama just invented.

    Really, what they’re really pissed about is that too many of “those” people are able to vote.

  • Victor_the_Crab

    What these sore loser crybabies are really whinning about is that Americans had the gall to re-elect that nig[KLANG] as President of the Unites States of America.

    • http://drangedinaz.wordpress.com/ IrishGrrrl

      Victor, In all fairness, this is a big part of it for many, but not all of them. Whatever their reasoning, their silly tantrum is ridiculous and as Bob likes to say “unserious”.

  • mikecz