Since Nate Silver already predicted the winner of today’s Super Bowl XLVII, there’s no need to bother with winning and losing and who will be going to Disney World when there are so many other things the American people could be doing today, like acknowledging that between 6 and 10 people died at the Louisiana Superdome during Katrina, the venue for today’s big game. Or maybe we could celebrate and better acknowledge the rebuilding of what was once left for dead?
Or we could vow, on this day, to resolve world hunger, child poverty, climate change, gun violence, money in politics and the crumbling state of a major political party and all the sins of mankind. Or… we can do it tomorrow!
1) Watch football for the hotties, but don’t make any remarks about them to your boyfriend. Just sit back and try and engage in the game. When you can’t focus on the game itself, focus on the cute bulging football players in tight pants.
2) Ask intelligent questions. You should keep these questions to yourself until after the game is over, or during halftime, but make sure you show that you are trying to understand the game. If you want to appear knowledgeable before the game, research the rules and strategies. Knowing the way the game works will help you get into it.
3) Let your guard down. Football is a spectator sport, and it is a sport that reinforces the stuff-your-face behavior of men. Don’t count calories when you watch a game. Continue to snack smart, but cave in and have a hot dog with your boyfriend.
4) Get your other girlfriends involved. Invite both of your friends over to watch football. Give your boyfriend a warning that your friends are coming, and make sure your girls know that it won’t be a gossip-fest.
5) Avoid cuddling, snuggling and any amorous thoughts. When you watch football with your boyfriend, you must think of it as a bonding experience that is off limits for talk of feelings or your relationship.
6) Be helpful. You are encroaching on his territory, so if you get up ask if he needs a drink or bring back snacks. Don’t become a slave or let him order you around, but a little game-time TLC goes a long way.
There you have it, ladies. You have your game plan. Now let’s go out and win this day for an America where women know their place for all mankind.