Immigration Reform Could Take a Very, Very Long Time

Furthering the notion that immigration reform is going to take a very long time to pass — over 300 amendments have been proposed to augment the Senate immigration reform bill, and many of these amendments are ghastly.

Here’s a few examples.

Mandatory DNA testing. Registered provisional immigrant applicants must submit a DNA sample to the Department of Justice to compare against the Combined DNA Index System (CODIS) at the FBI. Offered by Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-UT).

Zero assistance. Would prohibit undocumented immigrants who earn provisional legal status from applying for permanent residence if they qualify for state means-tested assistance, the supplemental nutrition assistance program (SNAP), the temporary assistance for needy families program (TANF), or supplemental security income benefits (SSI). Offered by Sen. Jeff Sessions (R-AL).

In-person interviews for 11 million immigrants. Sure to slow down the process time for 11 million immigrants, an in-person interview would be required to determine one’s eligibility requirements for provisional legal status. Offered by Sen. Jeff Sessions (R-AL).

Evidently, a national gun registry is a slippery slope to Red Dawn, but mandatory DNA testing is not. (hint: they’re brown people)

Meanwhile, Senator Mike Lee (R-UT) proposed an amendment that essentially enshrine undocumented servants into law.

Lee’s amendment would exempt “services performed by cooks, waiters, butlers, housekeepers, governessess, maids, valets, baby sitters, janitors, laundresses, furnacemen, care-takers, handymen, gardeners, footmen, grooms, and chauffeurs of automobiles for family use” from “prohibitions on unlawful employment of unauthorized aliens.”

They’re going to take away our butlers, footmen, and chauffeurs? This cannot stand!

And finally Senator Jeff Sessions (R-Keebler Elf Tree) proposed an amendment that would theoretically bar people such as myself and many others who are reading this from becoming citizens because we don’t make at least $94,000 per year.

Sessions’ proposal, one of 49 he offered on Tuesday, would amend the so-called gang of eight’s bill to require that any undocumented immigrant show an average income or resources at or above 400 percent of the federal poverty level for the entire 10-plus years they’ve spent in registered provisional immigrant status in order to qualify for legal permanent resident status.

If you consider the number of amendments to the Senate bill that have been proposed, and the fact that the House seems content with passing piecemeal rather than comprehensive legislation, it’s easy to see final passage of immigration reform slipping into the summer of 2014.

And that’s assuming a lot. That’s assuming there is even a remote chance that Senate and House bills, which will both be neck-deep in special-interest mud, can be reconciled. That’s assuming the House will actually pass anything.

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  • Nefercat

    “…exempt “services performed by cooks, waiters, butlers, housekeepers, governessess, maids, valets, baby sitters, janitors, laundresses, furnacemen, care-takers, handymen, gardeners, footmen, grooms, and chauffeurs of automobiles for family use” from “prohibitions on unlawful employment of unauthorized aliens.”

    So desperate people could still come in illegally, and their employers could hold deportation over their heads (because it is illegal for them to be here, but there is no legal problem for the RWA in having hired them), thus keeping wages low, etc., which would ensure that they would never ever ever be citizens because they would never ever ever be able to “…show an average income or resources at or above 400 percent of the federal poverty level for the entire 10-plus years they’ve spent in registered provisional immigrant status in order to qualify for legal permanent resident status.

    My God, these people are breathtakingly evil. Slavery, legal and constitutionally protected.

    *RWA = Rich White Asshole

  • muselet

    Would prohibit undocumented immigrants who earn provisional legal status from applying for permanent residence if they qualify for state means-tested assistance …

    Key words: “if they qualify”. No po’ folk need apply.

    … require that any undocumented immigrant show an average income or resources at or above 400 percent of the federal poverty level for the entire 10-plus years they’ve spent in registered provisional immigrant status …

    Jeff Sessions isn’t being a racist prick, he just wants to make sure a better class of dusky people become permanent residents.

    No, wait, scratch that. Jeff Sessions is being a racist prick.

    –alopecia

  • nellcote

    All the more reason to work our asses off to change congress in 2014!

  • mrbrink

    I could tell early on that Republicans weren’t going to be able to be humane enough to use this opportunity to be anything other than cruel and sadistic. At the outset, the whole reform debate seemed to me to be centered around which party could out do the other in terms of making it as needlessly shitty of an experience as possible to gain some sort of second class provisional purgatory status in order keep the owners and their Fortune 500 plantations humming along with a steady legal flow of Camptown Races workers.

    Who knew that it would be Republicans proposing amendments that break the whole debate down to its baser instincts, which is: We only want the good ones! This one right here is one of the good ones. That one over there ain’t!

    It’s an extraordinary admission that Republicans think they’re qualified to judge human worth and even more so that no one interrupts them. This poses a huge dilemma for humanity. Do we enslave the Republican race as an inferior breed of human beings just because they are cruel, destructive, and use a disproportionate share of national wealth and resources?

    That’s the sort of debate we should be having in this country.

    • Christopher Foxx

      Who knew that it would be Republicans proposing amendments that break the whole debate down to its baser instincts

      Why would that be at all surprising?? Republicans have been very plain spoken in their intents for years.

      — Bachmann: “falafel is a gateway food” to Arabic extremism and shouldn’t be served in school cafeterias
      — Coulter: “Our blacks are so much better than their blacks.”
      — Santorum: “I don’t want to make [black] people’s lives better”
      — Gingrich: “poor children.. have no habits of working and have nobody around them who works”
      — Young: “We used to have 50 to 60 wetbacks to pick tomatoes.”
      — Palin: ” these wonderful little pockets of what I call the real America, [the] … pro-America areas”

      What’s astounding is that half the country sees no problem with this.

      • mrbrink

        I was being facetious. But nevertheless, your reply is sound.

        • Christopher Foxx

          Understood. And thanks.

  • ninjaf

    Where are the democrats at microphones, with stacks of printed pages, wailing about how “long” the Republicans are trying to make this bill? There needs to be much public gnashing of teeth and wrenching of garments over how long these amendments are making this bill.

    • Christopher Foxx

      If the Democrats were really interested in opposing the Republicans they could do so. Why they haven’t buttonholed every passing reported, flooded every Sunday talking head program, taken every opportunity to plainly and simply point out each obstructionist, hypocritical, “fuck the country” act as they have confuses me.

      The only answer I’ve come to is that they don’t really want to oppose the Republicans.

  • trgahan

    So basically Republicans are trying to codify the status quo with the addition of a few loopholes that absolve them from exploiting illegal labor and allow them to intimidate illegals into behaving?

    Note how the amendments are coming from Senators from states who’s economies are highly dependent on cheap illegal labor.