Crazy Quote of the Morning

“Watch a sonogram of a 15-week baby, and they have movements that are purposeful… They stroke their face. If they’re a male baby, they may have their hand between their legs. If they feel pleasure, why is it so hard to believe that they could feel pain?” Rep. Michael Burgess (R-TX)

Masturbating fetuses?!

WHATTHEFUIW)*($UJIOFJS:GUGFJHGF?????!

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  • zirgar

    Hell, I think I started jerking off when I was a mere zygote. Also, too, ever notice how often the word “fetus” appears in the title of Flaming Lips’ songs? Here’s my attempt at a Flips title: Masturbating Fetuses (Relaxing in the Sociopathic Car Wash Contemplating the Meaning of the Razor-Eyed Death Squid). And I’m not even drunk, yet!

  • Draxiar

    So many things to say…so many jokes to make…but all I can muster is…
    **FACEPALM**

  • steve s

    if this is true, why aren’t all male babies born with harry palms?

    • beth

      Or blind?

  • Nefercat

    Oh. This abortion thing. It’s suddenly so clear. It’s really about women (those sluts!) depriving little bitty men of the opportunity to fapfapfap.

    • http://drangedinaz.wordpress.com/ IrishGrrrl

      Thanks for that. I burst out laughing in my cubicle and the men around me think I’ve lost my mind.

      PS: Notice he didn’t mention the females touching themselves…….typical

      • muselet

        Well, of course not. They’re little ladies and ladies don’t do that sort of thing.

        Or something.

        –alopecia

  • GrafZeppelin127

    Jeebus fleebing cripes.

    I had a conversation with an 18-year-old the other day, a self-proclaimed “conservative” (and a child of privilege), who said a couple of interesting things on this topic.

    First he said that although, if he ever had a wife or daughter who was in a position to need an abortion, he would want and allow her to get one and be able to get one, that nonetheless abortion should be illegal. He tried to explain this obvious “OK-for-me-but-not-for-thee” hypocrisy in a couple of ways; mainly, he couched it as, “I would be willing to break the law, commit a crime, and face the consequences” if his wife or daughter ever needed an abortion. [Her concomitant “willingness,” of course, never entered the conversation…]

    In other words, abortion should be available, but it should still be a crime (because, you know, it’s “murder”). I attempted to explain how that doesn’t make sense and can’t really work, to which he replied that it should just be a “mandate,” viz., a crime with no enforcement and no punishment. Just something that’s illegal, that everyone knows is illegal, but that you can’t be fined or jailed for. “Meaning,” I said, “just for slut-shaming,” and to my astonishment he said, emphatically, “Yes!!”

    No, I replied, you cannot use the law just to shame people. You can’t make a behavior against the law for no other purpose but to make those who do it feel ashamed of themselves and to shame them in the eyes of the community. He kept insisting that people who get abortions should know they’re committing a crime and be affirmatively shamed for doing it.

    He’s a nice, smart kid whom I’ve known since he was 10; he’s curious about these things, asks great questions, and acknowledges the validity of counterarguments. But he’s never suffered, sacrificed, or worked a day in his life, and has a bit too much of that libertarian self-congratulation/resentment thing going on. He’s never paid a tax yet he’s convinced that taxes “punish” him for his “success” and general awesomeness, for the benefit of the stupid undeserving lazy not-awesome poor people.

    I’ll see him again soon and continue to school him on how the world really works.

    • http://drangedinaz.wordpress.com/ IrishGrrrl

      This kid better hope that life is kinder to him than it is to most. And he’s damn lucky to have you talking sense to him. I wouldn’t be able to be as nice as you probably were.

    • muselet

      That 18-year-old is saying out loud what a lot of (most?) conservatives believe: they and people like them can be trusted with a momentous decision like whether or not to have an abortion, but people who aren’t like them cannot.

      And I’m with IrishGrrrl: I wouldn’t have been nearly as polite with him as you.

      –alopecia

  • Mike_Norris

    “WHATHTFUIW)*($UJIOFJS:GUGFJHGF?????!”

    That’s exactly what I said when I heard this on the radio this morning.

  • 1933john

    Premature jock itch?

  • Username1016

    “If it’s a male fetus, it may have its hand between its legs…”) Oh, right, we all know GIRLS never masturbate. On account of evil ladyparts, or something. Wow, I’m so sick of idiots.

  • Nefercat

    Jobs? Infrastructure? Healthcare? Climate change? Pfft, says our illustrious House of Representaloons. Let’s get our priorities straight. Let’s discuss fetal masturbation instead.

  • Nefercat

    So. That republican that said the other day that the stupidity of his fellow republicans was staggering? He’s maybe thinking “Guys, it was a statement, not a challenge.”

    I’ll bet if he’s not drunk now, he will be soon. Or sobbing helplessly.

  • lsamsa

    Is that all these ‘in power’ conservative white guys think about…sex?
    Seems to me they somehow relate anything & everything to it eventually….and usually weirdly.
    Oh, of course then they tell us how they were just trying to save America from evil anti-Christian horrors that were never an issue or, more importantly, a fact to begin with.

  • Victor_the_Crab

    ……………

    Words fail to describe this steaming pile of derp.

  • D_C_Wilson

    If he were a True Christian (TM), he call for those sinful little wankers to be stoned to death like it says in the Bible.