Stupid Man, Stupid Party

Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal has apparently decided being the “stupid party” is chic after all and he has proven it with this mind-blowing column.

At some point, the American public is going to revolt against the nanny state and the leftward march of this president. I don’t know when the tipping point will come, but I believe it will come soon.

Why?

Because the left wants: The government to explode; to pay everyone; to hire everyone; they believe that money grows on trees; the earth is flat; the industrial age, factory-style government is a cool new thing; debts don’t have to be repaid; people of faith are ignorant and uneducated; unborn babies don’t matter; pornography is fine; traditional marriage is discriminatory; 32 oz. sodas are evil; red meat should be rationed; rich people are evil unless they are from Hollywood or are liberal Democrats; the Israelis are unreasonable; trans-fat must be stopped; kids trapped in failing schools should be patient; wild weather is a new thing; moral standards are passé; government run health care is high quality; the IRS should violate our constitutional rights; reporters should be spied on; Benghazi was handled well; the Second Amendment is outdated; and the First one has some problems too.

There’s so much going on here I’ll have to break it down.

Because the left wants: The government to explode; to pay everyone; to hire everyone

Jobs are bad, mmkay?

debts don’t have to be repaid; people of faith are ignorant and uneducated; unborn babies don’t matter

Yes. The very liberal President Obama, who is on a “leftward march,” doesn’t believe that debts have to be repaid, which is exactly why the deficit has shrank every single year that he’s been in office. Of course one could always quote the endlessly-quotable Dick Cheney who said deficits don’t matter.

And we obviously don’t care about the unborn, which is why we’re advocates for reproductive health clinics and proper prenatal care.

pornography is fine

No argument there. Although I will point out that the highest online porn consumption in the nation occurs in Utah. Utah isn’t exactly a liberal bastion.

traditional marriage is discriminatory; 32 oz. sodas are evil; red meat should be rationed

Disallowing any form of marriage other than “traditional” is discriminatory, and I love red meat. As for sodas, I love those too, but I try to cut back.

trans-fat must be stopped

Is the Republican party now that pro-trans-fat party? Is this the logical conclusion of opposing the ban on large drink sizes? How about low fat and low sodium? I’ll bet those are a liberal plot as well.

moral standards are passé

Who needs moral standards? Opposing funding for pre-K education, cutting children off food stamps, and attempting to repeal Obamacare 37 times is so much fun. Pre-existing conditions are the true moral high ground.

the IRS should violate our constitutional rights; reporters should be spied on

What?

the Second Amendment is outdated; and the First one has some problems too.

You’ve finally caught me red-handed. I do believe the second amendment is outdated, but I don’t have a problem with the first. And as much as dislike them, I won’t be joining Peter King (R) in his call to arrest certain writers who are protected by it.

Bobby Jindal doesn’t know when this tipping point will come, when Americans will realize that pornography is terrible and that trans-fat has what plants crave, but he’s pretty sure it will come soon.

Bobby Jindal is very concerned

This entry was posted in Stupid Party, Super Stupid and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.
  • Nefercat

    Bobby got into the liquor cabinet again, didn’t he?

    • Zen Diesel

      I think he forgot to take his meds.

    • zirgar

      Jindal’s been reading the FOX News chyrons again.

      • Treading_Water

        Reading hell, this is straight transcription.

  • GrafZeppelin127

    This sums up Republican politics rather well, I think. It isn’t grounded in much besides a hatred of “liberals,” where “liberals” means these fictitious strawman caricatures they’ve been inventing for themselves since the 1970s; imaginary people who believe, think and want all of these things that no real person on the face of the planet actually believes, thinks, or wants.

    • Mike_Norris

      That sums it up nicely. Thank you.

    • Victor_the_Crab

      And whom they hire onto their network to be actual strawmen. Bob Beckel, Dennis Kuchinich, etc.

    • D_C_Wilson

      That’s pretty much all it takes to be a conservative these days. If liberals like something, or at least, you think liberals like it, then you must hate it.

      • Treading_Water

        I think you have it a little backwards. If YOU don’t like something, or at least, if you FEEL like you should dislike it, it must be liberal.

        • D_C_Wilson

          Probably a little of both.

  • Bob Nowwhat Derkacz

    …and on top of that his grammar and punctuation use are atrocious. Ooh what fun it is to be a liberal elitist.

  • http://phydeauxpseaks.blogspot.com Bob Rutledge

    I stopped reading at “Because the left wants: … the earth is
    flat;”

    0.o

  • zirgar

    Jindal is pulling every bit of this out of his ass, because as far as I know none of this has been approved by Lord Soros, yet, and we’re tight. Oh, I’m Satan, by the way.

    • Nefercat

      Soros, Sauron. Of course, it’s so clear now!

  • MrDHalen

    The government bureaucracy and laws these idiots hate so much is the only reason they’re allowed to be this stupid and still function and live decent lives. Maybe he has a point, we have become such a nanny state that even our complete idiots can rise up and be governors(Jindal) and presidents(Bush2).

  • Mike_Norris

    I appreciate what you are doing here Ashby, but seriously, you wasted a lot of intellect reasoning the thoughts of a complete imbecile. Do you feel better for it? I could almost hear the sound of your head banging off the wall. I stopped reading after “to hire everyone” and especially after that stupid crack about the “earth is flat.” This from the ignorant rednecks that believe people and dinosaurs were on earth together. Thanks for what you do Jim, but sometimes you just have to let the stupid be stupid. Why we don’t wrestle with pigs, ya know?

    • JMAshby

      Trying to deprive me of my entertainment? I laugh and laugh both while reading and writing this stuff.

      • Mike_Norris

        I get it. Thanks for your great work you and Bob do everyday. It is we the readers who benefit.

  • KABoink_after_wingnut_hacker

    Liberals are evil and conservatives are virtuous victims. Okay got it!
    Rightwing rhetoric hasn’t changed much from the early 1970’s and for the most part Jindal is just spouting a bunch of dog whistles and talking points strung together for his semi-literate base.
    This raises a question: Are all republicans going to start speaking like Palin from know on?

  • muselet

    What a dolt.

    –alopecia

  • pazcat

    You had me at “trans-fat has what plants crave”…made my freaking day. Thanks

  • D_C_Wilson

    All I can say is that if Bobby thinks there’s going to be a tipping point where Americans start to think porn is bad, he’s got a long wait ahead of him.

  • 1933john

    Whew, I didn’t realize I was that fucked up!