A Jobs Plan Short Enough for a Vine

CantorJobs

As President Obama delivered an impassioned speech today focused on the need to create jobs and economic opportunities for everyone, House Republicans responded with their own counter-proposal which, if you’re being generous, includes three main points, but they could easily be condensed to two.

1. Approve the Keystone Pipeline

2. Urge the Democratic controlled Senate to join the House and Pass a Job Training Bill

3. Support the Bipartisan Effort to Expand Offshore Domestic Energy Production

1: Drill
2: Training
3: Drill

I don’t think we need to mention drilling twice, so we could condense the list to two ideas. And if we follow those two easy steps, we’ll lose 30 pounds in two weeks create over a million jobs!

Even if that were the case (it isn’t), that wouldn’t be good enough. We’re still in a much deeper hole than one million.

The good news for Republicans is their plan to create jobs is short enough to fit within a Vine.

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  • Teddy’s Person

    A question for Mr. Cantor: train for what jobs exactly?

    • Nefercat

      Stop asking questions because shut up, that’s why! Benghazi! Cantaloupes! That’s what Americans want!

      • D_C_Wilson

        Asparagus!

        • 1933john

          You took the word right off my fingers!

    • D_C_Wilson

      Transvaginal ultrasound technicians. That seems to be the only job republicans are interested in creating these days.

    • muselet

      Walmart needs greeters. McDonald’s needs fry cooks. Rich folks need security guards to protect their stuff. And smart people can repossess houses.

      See? Lots of job opportunities!

      –alopecia

  • trgahan

    Actually, I am surprised there isn’t a massive corporate tax cut wrapped in defunding food stamps on that list….

  • GrafZeppelin127

    Why did we never respond to “Drill, bably, drill!” with “Build, baby, build!” ?

    • D_C_Wilson

      Because simplistic slogans don’t impress liberals the way they do conservatives.

      • GrafZeppelin127

        Yes, that’s true. I still think it would have been an effective rebuttal, if only for simple-minded undecideds.

  • GrafZeppelin127

    And, as a corollary….

    “DRILL, BABY, DRILL!”

    Brought to you by the Republican Party. People who love America so much, they literally want to f*** it.