Future Congressmen

FutureLeaders

Artist – Dave Granlund

The Steve Lonegan campaign has fired campaign spokesman Rick Shaftan who said his opponent Newark Mayor Cory Booker is probably gay because he was polite to a stripper.

Because obviously a straight, dick-swinging real man would act like a street harasser and say rapey things.

“It was just weird. I mean, to me, you know, hey, if he said, ‘Hey, you got really hot breasts man, I’d love to suck on them.’ Then like, yeah, cool. But like, he didn’t say that. It was like kind of like, I don’t know, it was like what a gay guy would say to a stripper. It’s the way he was talking to her. It’s just like like there was no sexual interest at all. I don’t know. To me, if I was single and you know like some stripper was tweeting me, I might take advantage of the perks of the office, you know?” -Rick Shaftan

He should have said that he’d love to suck her boobs, as real men would, but, like, he didn’t say that so he must be gay. A straight man would take advantage of their position and score.

In other shocking news, Rick Shaftan is an old man, not 15.

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  • Nefercat

    For some posts, wet wipes should be provided. What a slimy piece of scum Shaftan is. “…perks of the office…” Really?

    I wonder how Mrs. Shaftan feels about this delightful insight into the festering recesses of her husband’s brain?

  • JWheels

    Shaftan sounds more like the 40-Year-Old Virgin than a nonfictional adult human. The block quote reminds me of the following:

    I dated this girl for a while. She was really a… nasty freak. She just loved to get down with sex all the time. It was like… anytime of day, she was like, “Yeah, let’s go! I’m so nasty!” And I’d be nailing her and she’d be like, “Oh, you’re nailing me! Cool!”

    What a dick.

  • feloniousgrammar

    Overall, men have become less vocal about their misogyny since I came of age and less evident that they’re treating me like they think a woman (like me) should be treated. Every once in a while I’m confronted with an older man who so clearly thinks that women are objects that come in “submissive and obedient” or “whore” or “needs to put in her place “. Such men clearly feel entitled, if not obligated, to treat them accordingly. That takes me back and I do appreciate the rareness of it now in social situations.

    On the internet, the most violent misogynist remarks from men and boys of all ages are made in the cover of anonymity, but to do so with one’s own name as a spokesman for someone currently running for office should be the subject of someone’s dissertation to find out just what screws have to be lose in order to indulge in douche-baggery of this magnitude.

    • dbtheonly

      Or gets the speaker fired quickly by said campaign.

  • muselet

    If he disappears from public view, then reappears in six months beside some Talibangelical preacher and says he’s Found Jeebus, all will be forgiven and Rick Shaftan will go back to running R campaigns. It’s depressingly predictable.

    –alopecia