Edward Snowden’s Patronizing Letter To His Ego

In a letter penned from the headquarters of the former K.G.B. offering to assist the good people of Germany in their efforts to spy on America, a self-fellating Edward Snowden declared that Ron Jeremy is a no-talent hack who should make way for The Kid!

To whom it may concern,

I have been invited to write to you regarding your investigation of mass surveillance.

I am Edward Joseph Snowden, formerly employed through contracts or direct hire as a technical expert for the United States National Security Agency, Central Intelligence Agency, and Defense Intelligence Agency.

In the course of my service to these organizations, I believe I witnessed systemic violations of law by my government that created a moral duty to act. As a result of reporting these concerns, I have faced a severe and sustained campaign of persecution that forced me from my family and home. I am currently living in exile under a grant of temporary asylum in the Russian Federation in accordance with international law.

I am heartened by the response to my act of political expression, in both the United States and beyond. Citizens around the world as well as high officials — including in the United States — have judged the revelation of an unaccountable system of pervasive surveillance to be a public service. These spying revelations have resulted in the proposal of many new laws and policies to address formerly concealed abuses of the public trust. The benefits to society of this growing knowledge are becoming increasingly clear at the same time claimed risks are being shown to have been mitigated.

Though the outcome of my efforts has been demonstrably positive, my government continues to treat dissent as defection, and seeks to criminalize political speech with felony charges that provide no defense. However, speaking the truth is not a crime. I am confident that with the support of the international community, the government of the United States will abandon this harmful behavior. I hope that when the difficulties of this humanitarian situation have been resolved, I will be able to cooperate in the responsible finding of fact regarding reports in the media, particularly in regard to the truth and authenticity of documents, as appropriate and in accordance with the law.

I look forward to speaking with you in your country when the situation is resolved, and thank you for your efforts in upholding the international laws that protect us all.

With my best regards,

Edward Snowden
31 October 2013

Hau! Me white man. Me come in peace. Fear not, alien peoples of the world living in abject poverty, for we shall unite the misunderstood regimes of the world under one vague, subjective issue, for our day of inedible humanitarianism is coming, I say, there, Bro, and a book deal’s coming with us! Death to America!

I hope he hasn’t been holding out on all the good stuff. Kind of subterfugey for a transparency crusader.

Even more predictable, British authorities are now calling what David Miranda did by traveling with stolen, sensitive documents, “terrorism.”

At a London court hearing this week for Miranda’s lawsuit, a document called a “Ports Circulation Sheet” was read into the record. It was prepared by Scotland Yard – in consultation with the MI5 counterintelligence agency – and circulated to British border posts before Miranda’s arrival. The precise date of the document is unclear.

“Intelligence indicates that Miranda is likely to be involved in espionage activity which has the potential to act against the interests of UK national security,” according to the document.

“We assess that Miranda is knowingly carrying material the release of which would endanger people’s lives,” the document continued. “Additionally the disclosure, or threat of disclosure, is designed to influence a government and is made for the purpose of promoting a political or ideological cause. This therefore falls within the definition of terrorism…”

Glenn Greenwald was none too pleased, and released a statement that doesn’t seem to understand how serious it is when you steal secret documents and use them as a means to get what you want.

In an email to Reuters, Greenwald responded to the charge, writing, ”For all the lecturing it doles out to the world about press freedoms, the UK offers virtually none…They are absolutely and explicitly equating terrorism with journalism.”

This entry was posted in Glenn Greenwald, NSA, Privacy, Quote, Technology, Telecommunications, Terrorism, The Media and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.
  • feloniousgrammar

    The idea that anyone who publishes stories in a newspaper or blog is free to deal in stolen goods that threaten the lives of people who are investigating terrorism, for instance, or the sale of fissile material, is one that needs to be slapped silly. I would love to see the U.K. put Greenwald’s boyfriend, and Greenwald in his place. They do not represent U.S. or anyone else but themselves.

    As for Snowden, he can blow — a technical expert and to treat as defection out of his ass. Ratfucker.

    At this point, I wouldn’t mind a well-timed leak about Merkel to highlight her austerity and her indifference to the effects it’s having on other EU nations.

  • muselet

    I don’t think Edward Snowden wrote that letter. He may have signed it, but he didn’t write it.

    Two reasons: first, the language is stilted, even for a computer nerd. To me, it reads like the product of a good but not outstanding ESL student. Second, in the original, the phrase “including in the United States” is set off not by double-dashes as an American would use with a monospace font like Courier but with a space-dash-space as a European would use.

    If I’m right, Edward Snowden is—willingly, one assumes—being pimped out by his Russian minders. (If I’m wrong, Edward Snowden is just a colossal dick.)

    Substantively, the Snowden letter is just a jumble of dog whistles. It’s surprising that the word “imperialism” doesn’t show up (maybe that would have been too obvious).

    And Glenn Greenwald lecuring anyone about journalism is a bit rich.

    –alopecia

    • blair houghton

      You’re close. Ed Snowden is being pimped out _and_ is a colossal dick.

      • muselet

        Entirely possible.

        –alopecia

    • fojap

      The language in all his letters have had a weird quality.

      • FlipYrWhig

        It always sounds like someone who learned English entirely from Game Of Thrones and V For Vendetta.

        • fojap

          Hey! Don’t laugh. I have V for Vendetta #1. It didn’t seem as good as the Watchman at the time, but weirdly it’s had a bigger influence.

      • muselet

        I’ll take your word for it. I’ve managed to avoid his earlier writings.

        –alopecia

  • drspittle

    “As a result of reporting these concerns, I have faced a severe and sustained campaign of persecution that forced me from my family and home.”

    FORCED? You FLED. I’m sure your pimp, er pal, Greenwald would have “reported details”* of this “campaign of persecution” ad nauseum.

    *Made a bunch of stuff up

    • Norbrook

      Exactly. He uses that word “forced,” and I do not think it means what he thinks it means.

      Reading between the lines, along with his plea for clemency just tells me that it’s dawning on him that Russia isn’t the haven of free speech and freedom he thought it was.

      • feloniousgrammar

        On one hand, libertarians have weird ideas about what constitutes force. On the other hand, he’s a lying rat bastard and is not, by any stretch of the imagination the genius that idiot emotarians want him to be.

    • nathkatun7

      Well said, drspittle! The people who wrote this letter for Snowden must think that we are all idiots! What “severe and sustained campaign of persecution… forced” Snowden from his “family and home”? Snowden voluntarily left the country, way before his illegal disclosure of government secrets were published by foreign press. Traitor Snowden has absolutely no idea what persecution looks and feels like.

      • Churchlady320

        Yeah he’s “persecuted” as Dominionists are – forbidden from shoving their views down other people’s throats. That they are walking and talking freely seems never to enter their minds. Snowden broke the law and jumped ship long before any consequences could be visited upon him. He obviously has money – so much for “persecution”.

  • blair houghton

    “absolutely and explicitly equating terrorism with journalism”…

    Greenwald does not understand the meaning of the words “absolutely,” “explicitly,” “equating,” “terrorism,” or “journalism.”

    Because, dayum.

    • FlipYrWhig

      Classic Greenwald, of course. Just because terrorists, spies, and journalists can all be in the possession of sensitive, potentially damaging information doesn’t at all mean that terrorists = spies = journalists. This is about like saying that because dentists and hot-rodders can both have tanks of nitrous oxide, they’re absolutely and explicitly the same.

      Also, since when is David Miranda a journalist? If sleeping with a member of that profession qualifies you as a member yourself, Kim Kardashian is a power forward.

      • i_a_c

        He’s both a noncombatant and a journalist, depending on which is more convenient for Greenwald at the moment.

      • JozefAL

        Hell, if “sleeping with a member of that profession qualifies you as a member yourself” then Kim Kardashian is a proverbial Jill-of-all-trades: Songwriter/producer (from her marriage to Damon Thomas); singer (from her sex tape with Ray J); and rapper and major egotist (courtesy of her relationship/marriage to Kanye West).

  • Badgerite

    If you follow some links in this story you end up with some really interesting information about WikiLeaks.

    This one I found particularly interesting as it relates to the Non Disclosure Agreement that Julian Assange and WikiLeaks makes its employees and people who deal with it sign.
    http://www.newstatesman.com/blogs/david-allen-green/2011/05/wikileaks-information-legal
    “Clause 5 of this Confidentiality Agreement imposes a penalty of 12,000,000 Pounds sterling on anyone who breaches this legal gag. ”

    And then there is this. article in the Guardian itself about one Israel Shamir, a close and longtime supporter of Assange.
    http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/cifamerica/2011/nov/08/israel-shamir-julian-assange-cult-machismo
    Shamir writes:
    “It is no accident that the enemies of Empire are all masculine males, be they Gaddafi, Castro, Chavez, Lukashenko, Putin, — or Julian Assange. It appears the men have been targeted for elimination. The worker ants need no sex.”
    Shamir is also reputed to be a holocaust denier and as having had access to the diplomatic cables leaked by Manning.
    And “damning evidence emerged that Shamir had handed cables material to the dictator of Belarus (Lushenko) — a man he holds in high esteem–to assist his persecution of opposition activists.”

    These guys are not what the left believes them to be. They have a truly reactionary and certainly anti American agenda.

    • fojap

      From the New Statesman link:

      “On the basis of this legal gag alone, it would be fair to take the view
      that WikiLeaks is nothing other a highly commercially charged
      enterprise, seeking to protect and maximise its earnings from selling
      information that has been leaked to it. If so, WikiLeaks is nothing
      other than a business.”

      How so many people on the left have been blinded by “the enemy of my enemy is my friend” is beyond me.

      • Badgerite

        I think it is a business in the same way that some religious entities are actually businesses. They convince their followers who fund them that they are doing ‘God’s work’ and the followers sometimes don’t look too closely at the details of what they actually are doing.

    • beulahmo

      I love how Wikileaks — the organization that gets so much support by declaring that information must be “free” — requires employees to sign a non-disclosure agreement.

      I keep wondering if guys like Assange, Snowden, and Greenwald want to decrease government control because they want to be “in control”…that they resent others having control when they, themselves, are superiorly equipped (morally and/or intellectually) for being in control. So far, I’m pretty convinced that’s the case with Assange. As for the other two, I’m very suspicious but not quite convinced.

      • Badgerite

        I don’t really accept the premise that Assange wants to ‘decrease government control’. He wants to decrease American ‘soft power’ in the world, (American influence) but he will get in bed with any two bit tyrant to do it. He has stated as much in interviews. That he believes there to be an ‘imbalance of power’ in the world since the Soviet Union fell apart and the Chinese have become capitalists (more or less). He uses ‘transparency’ as a tool to attack the US and western allies. I have yet to see him wield it against anyone else. It is not really about transparency for him, it is about anti US and western ‘hegemony’. Google Israel Shamir and look at some of the things he has written. Those are close to Assange’s motivations as well.

        Snowden and Greenwald? God only knows.
        But it seems to me that they have allied with WikiLeaks and Assange because they share a dislike of the Idea of American power abroad, more than anything else. They see it, I think, as somehow damaging to some ‘new world order’ that is yet to emerge.

  • Golden

    They all do it. Germany has been collaborating with the UK, Sweden,
    France and Italy in spying on each others’ citizens and sharing
    everything with the US. Read the article in the Guardian from yesterday.
    If anything, Germany and Angela Merkel should be embarrassed that they
    are making such a fuss when they are deeply involved in spying
    themselves.

    The NSA are doing good under Obama unlike GW Bush… This is a Republican plot to make Obama look stupid

    • Golden

      I am Danish but I wish we had had Obama here..

      • Golden

        and Snowden is a traitor..
        Long live surveillance in the name of freedom

  • nathkatun7

    “…my government continues to treat dissent as defection, and seeks to criminalize political speech with felony charges that provide no defense.”

    Rubbish! As far as I am concerned Edward Snowden is a cowardly traitor! Real dissenters don’t runaway to other countries, well in advance, because they know they violated laws. And, disclosing classified information to foreign adversaries is not “political speech.”

    As for Greenwald, threatening to disclose government secrets, either as revenge or to try to impede legitimate prosecution of your lover, is not “journalism.”

    • Golden

      The NSA is part of the military I am glad they looking after us
      Snowden is a Russian spy

      • Golden

        He should be executed for treason

        • mrbrink

          Holy Dødstraffens! That’s no way to talk about another human being and you know it.

          • Pink No More

            “Golden” is a Greenwaldo troll.

          • mrbrink

            I’m always the last one to know these things. I was hoping it was just your typical bloodthirsty Dane going off again.

          • muselet

            Bloody Vikings!

            –alopecia

          • Golden

            The guy is a traitor…

            I am no Troll .. I am a devout Springsteen fan.. a liberal / a Danish housewife who is good friends with American liberals (who hate the Republican party) on www,backstreets.com

            Please desist from this racist rubbish ‘ typical bloodthirsty Dane’ remember Snowden is an American who has damaged America ..

            Remember what the patriot James Clapper said

            “The unauthorized disclosure of the details of these programs has been extremely damaging “

          • mrbrink

            For the record, I was being facetious about the ‘typical bloodthirsty Dane’ remark. My general impression is the exact opposite, of course. Even though I can see your argument and can appreciate the straightforwardness, I just don’t believe in “executing” anyone, especially Edward Snowden. It has been damaging, but I’d probably call bygones if they stopped bullshitting and face the charges. This hit & run stuff and telling everyone around the world that we had it coming and should continue to get run over is bad form, to say the least.

          • Pink No More

            You’re not fooling anyone here. The Clapper thing just shows it even harder.

            Just shut up and go back to the Greenwaldo cave you flapped out of.

  • Pink No More

    Don’t upvote “Golden” – their comments make it painfully obvious they’re a Greenwaldo lamely trolling.

    • Golden

      Is this response okay ?

      Uh, oh:

      “Russian hosts of the Group of 20 summit near St.
      Petersburg in September sent world leaders home with gifts designed to
      keep on giving: memory sticks and recharging cables programmed to spy on
      their communications, two Italian newspapers reported Tuesday.
      A
      Kremlin spokesman denied the allegations reported by Il Corriere della
      Sera and La Stampa, both of which attributed their stories to findings
      of technical investigations ordered by the president of the European
      Council and carried out by German intelligence.
      The USB thumb drives
      marked with the Russia G20 logo and the three-pronged European phone
      chargers were “a poisoned gift” from Russian President Vladimir Putin,
      Turin-based La Stampa [link in Italian] said in its report.
      “They were Trojan horses designed to obtain information from computers and cellphones,” the paper said.

      http://www.latimes.com/world/worldnow/l … 9023.story

      Funny how this is not reported by the traitors Greenwald and Snowden.

      traitors need to be punished…

      The Guardian ediror needs to be arrested

      I notice the idiot called ‘HeyJude999′ who made a complete ass of himself in the
      comments section of theDailyBanter’s coverage of the story are disappeared .. (We got rid of him as well on http://www.backstreets.com (Springsteen fan website)

      • Pink No More

        Are you quite done with your word-salad attempt to associate the whole of non-dudebro-ism with drooling stupidity? Because if you are, I’d like to formally decalre your attempt a failure and ask that you shut the fuck up already.

  • LTanya Spearman

    Snowden seeks clemency & ask US to stop treating him as a traitor: http://nyti.ms/16uXnKA
    WH & lawmakers reject clemency for Snowden: http://pluse.me/s/w6otj

    • villemar

      Baby cry what?

  • Badgerite

    “Severe and sustained campaign of persecution”? Like what? He lived well in Hawaii. Decided when he had all the material he needed to go to Hong Kong. Greenwald then released the ‘revelations’ and made his identity known. He was charged with espionage in the US and he went to Russia at the invite of Julian Assange. He was expecting what? Not to be charged with espionage. It has always been my belief that the stuff about the 4th Amendment was just a feint and the real good was to attack American spying abroad. That is what he is doing pretty much exclusively now. His current dumps are showing the breadth of US spying abroad. http://www.nytimes.com/2013/11/03/world/no-morsel-too-miniscule-for-all-consuming-nsa.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0