Eff You, Gawker

UPDATE: Gawker’s editor John Cook alerted me to this post. All is forgiven.

I know this means next to nothing, but I despise this kind of hipster contrarian nonsense. Gawker headline: Childless Adults Should Not Have Christmas Trees

We’re all adults here. Which is why, unless you have children, you should not have a Christmas tree.

Christmas trees are hassles. They’re expensive. They’re difficult to move around, particularly if you don’t have a car. If you’re doing it right and buying real trees, they get needles and sap all over the goddamn place. Then, after a few weeks, you throw them out on the street just like so many other things we’ve learned to own briefly and then dispose of in America. In short, Christmas trees are a messy pain in the ass, but they’re a messy pain in the ass you deal with to please children, who are themselves messy pains in the ass everyone deals with in order to continue the species.

It’s not the trees’ fault, really. The reason Christmas trees are for children is because Christmas itself is a holiday for children.

Ah yes, anyone who has a Christmas tree is neither cool nor an adult. You know, in honor of Gawker, I think I’m going to buy a second tree and it’ll look like this:

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  • http://drangedinaz.wordpress.com/ IrishGrrrl

    Well, this is perfect. I’m going to buy a tree tonight because I finally won’t have the kids in the way and I don’t want to wait any longer (have been waiting on the boyfriend to be off work but at this rate, it will be 2014 before that happens)–so fuck it, I’m getting the sticky, messy pain in the ass tree by myself and decorating it myself. Dammit. And Eff Gawker too.

  • missliberties

    Don’t you hate it when liberal elitists tell you what you should and should not do, relative to Christmas.

    Embrace the suck ~ Nancy Pelosi

  • D_C_Wilson

    We’re all adults here.

    At Gawker???

    And yes, we have no kids and we put up our (artificial) tree last week. I’m totally with Bob here. This is a perfect example of hipster, too-cool-for-school writing that serves no purpose other than for the write to congratulate his or herself.

  • http://phydeauxpseaks.blogspot.com/ Bob Rutledge

    Personally, I’m happy that Muh Darlin’ and the step-kids are in the States visiting her family, so that I don’t have to bother with a tree. Or, indeed, any sort of celebratory crap.

    But I wouldn’t go so far as to tell others that they should live like me. Well, in this case.

    Ho-fuckin’-ho, y’all…

    Not-a-Scrooge-precisely,
    Phydeaux :)

  • Lady Willpower

    I never click on anything by Gawker, and neither should you.
    Do you just like getting outraged?

  • trgahan

    “but they’re a messy pain in the ass you deal with to please children, who are themselves messy pains in the ass everyone deals with in order to continue the species.”

    I’m sure if called to the mat the author would hide behind the proverbial “tongue in cheek” defense. However I see stuff like this and am amazed we actually openly wonder why progressive can’t win against “social conservatives” in a public/political debate.

  • http://www.politicalruminations.com/ nicole

    I put up a tree every year with kids, and I continue to do so without kids at home. I happen to love the season in spite of the fact that I’m an Atheist. So there. :)

    Fuck Gawker and their pathetic hipster crap!

  • LTanya Spearman

    How does one even begin to explain the stupid?
    http://pic.twitter.com/wJgZTQYK31
    In meantime, my tribute to Nelson Mandela, ‘RIP’.
    http://youtu.be/MHHjP7XrBq0

  • Jeremy Grunloh

    *shrugs* I don’t put up a Christmas Tree… but it’s only because I’m really lazy.

  • Christopher Foxx

    …Christmas trees are hassles.

    How Republican of him. “It’s a hassle for me, therefore you shouldn’t have one.”

  • http://www.aquariusmoon.info CarolDuhart

    Single and No kids, but I still put up a tree. Can’t I just enjoy the season even if I’m alone? Sue me, but I like the pretty lights and colors, and it gets pretty gray after November in my part of the country.

  • Anotherune

    “The reason Christmas trees are for children is because Christmas itself is a holiday for children.”

    Rookie mistake, right there, Dudebro Scrooge. Santa Claus is for children. But Christmas is for everyone, and so are Christmas trees.