Media Celebrates A Year of Fake Scandals

Today on This Week with George Stephanopoulos, a jury of aristocrats continued to find the defendant, President Barack Hussein Obama– guilty! guilty! guilty! of failure, and such, by presiding over a recovering economy, expanded healthcare and civil rights for millions of Americans, deficit reduction and even finding the time to totally undermine the War On Drugs– most recently by commuting the sentences of eight non-violent drug offenders who were convicted in what the president called “an unfair system.”

He even managed to transfer some more detainees from Guantanamo Bay.

I know, I know, expanding and regulating healthcare insurance and championing liberal policy– which most Americans agree with issue-by-issue– is all bad news for Obama. Just saying “Obama, IRS, NSA, Healthcare.Gov” constitutes a year of scandal and failure in this post-Bush era of cleaner, responsive government.

This seems to be the time of the year when the Beltway Press Club collects on a $1 wager placed on their collective power over public perception.

They think they got their man.

Image from Birth of a Nation. Wiki Commons.

Image from Birth of a Nation. Wiki Commons.

 

But Greta Van Susteren, inspiration to at least dozens of humanoids, didn’t think much of the year in Republican party sabotage(It’s like it doesn’t exist in any of these discussions. Huh.)and thought the president’s last press conference was just ‘pathetic’ and uninspiring to her objective place where a heart and mind would normally be, saying, ”He sucked the oxygen out of the room. He ends the year where you just want to slit your throat almost because it was so depressing.”

Charming imagery. Yes, slit your throat because you’re happy. It makes perfect sense if you play it backwards on vinyl, kids.

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  • muselet

    And I should care about the opinions of Greta Van Susteren (and the rest of the Powerhouse Roundtable (‽)), why, exactly?

    –alopecia

  • http://www.politicalruminations.com/ nicole

    Yeah, good example of my reasoning when I gave up watching the Sunday pol shows several years ago………..I haven’t broken a single television since then. :)

  • mdblanche

    “Today on This Week with George Stephanopoulos, a jury of aristocrats continued to find the defendant, President Barack Hussein Obama– guilty! guilty! guilty! of… presiding over a recovering economy, expanded healthcare and civil rights for millions of Americans, deficit reduction and even finding the time to totally undermine the War On Drugs– most recently by commuting the sentences of eight non-violent drug offenders who were convicted in what the president called “an unfair system.”

    He even managed to transfer some more detainees from Guantanamo Bay.”

    All of which really are crimes as far as they are concerned. Except deficit reduction, but President Obama’s doing that the wrong way, not gutting entitlements at all.

  • Victor_the_Crab

    OK, right wing dumbasses. Explain to us again how the mainstream media is in the bag for Obama.

    • Lady Willpower

      “He’s doing such a bad job that even his allies in the press can’t cover for him anymore.”

      See? Easy.

  • drspittle

    Brian: Good evening. I’m Brian Williams with tonight’s “Sub Text News” script.

    For our top story, we turn to Chuck Todd, NBC’s Chief

    Political Correspondent. Chuck, what are you blaming

    Obama for this evening?

    Chuck: Well, Brian, Obama has again displayed his incompetence

    and lack of leadership. Republicans are outraged that he

    has not deployed FEMA resources to help white people in

    Germany ravaged by Typhoon Haiyan. Representative

    Louis Gohmert from Texas said this is more proof that

    Obama hates white people as he introduced legislation

    to defund FEMA. When I asked Jay Carney about this

    at today’s presser he said Germany was not affected

    by Typhoon Haiyan and FEMA does not get involved

    in non-US countries. Since it’s not my job to dispute

    facts that Republicans give me, I have to find a Republican

    who can confirm what Carney told me. I’m tired of him

    hurting my feelings. Meanwhile Darryl Issa has promised to

    launch an investigation and other Republicans will add

    this to their list of impeachable offenses so I look forward

    to gleefully hyping yet another explosive Obama scandal .

    BRIAN: And Chuck, you need to respectfully repeat Sarah Palin’s

    concern so our affluent white Tea Party

    demographic won’t accuse us of being part of the Liberal

    Media.

    CHUCK: Yes, Brian. Sarah Palin said, “Obama’s Feminazification of

    our wonderful country will make manly white men like Todd

    and the Germans carry man purses while

    being forced marched to FEMA camps and Obama Death

    Panels.”

    BRIAN: Thanks, Chuck. We will keep you apprised of this developing

    story. Coming up after the break, Rand Paul’s proposal to

    replace SNAP with the Hunger Games and tips on how to

    pick the perfect Christmas gift for that picky

    Corporation in your life. When NBC Nightly Sub Text News

    Returns.

    • mrbrink

      This is all kinds of brilliant. Love it.

      • drspittle

        Thank you, mrbrink! I am most honored.

        • Victor_the_Crab

          BWAH! Love it!

          • drspittle

            Thank you!

      • http://drangedinaz.wordpress.com/ IrishGrrrl

        That is perfect, it’s an early Christmas! Thank you. :)

        • drspittle

          Thank you. I have a couple of other satirical pieces about the state of the media. It’s one way I try to “constructively” channel my rage.