Spokesman For Grandbaby Romney Leaves Door Open For 2036

Mitt Romney smirking as he leaves press conference on Libya

Speaking with Fox News Sunday host Chris Wallace, Mitt Romney went way out of his way today to dignify something stupid said on basic cable news with his most concerned face since the attacks on his old baby, Benghazi Romney.

Trying really hard to pretend to remember the name of his newly adopted grandson, Kieran, or as the dictionary of baby names puts it, ‘little black one,’ Romney said he didn’t have all the information on where babies came from or how many he actually has, but said the rhetorical attacks on the newest Romney by MSNBC‘s Melissa Harris Perry were “a disgraceful political attack on a baby!”

This is called “taking the high road” to conservatives.

When not asked about the hypocrisy of such statements in light of his party’s disgraceful decades-long political and legislative attacks on single mothers, same-sex families, family planning, education funding, or the 21 million children in America who go to bed a little hungrier so that all Mitt Romney’s children can grow up in a country that can afford more wars, industrial pollution and capital gains cuts, the corporate spokesman for Grandbaby Romney whipped out his wallet and began counting the photos of all his children and grandchildren. Dozens of photos of Benjamin Franklin, Andrew Jackson and Jefferson Davis were counted off with the flick of a wet thumb, leaving viewers left wondering, “just how many kids does this guy have, and are they tax deductible?”

Chris Wallace pressed and prodded for hard answers, asking, “Governor, where do babies come from?” Realizing no one in the interview actually knew for sure, he then brought this whole episode to a close, unlike Benghazi, and went for the Barbara Walters waterworks, or Baba wawa-works, asking, “this must be hurtful, and I know you are a classy guy and you don’t want to get into it, I got to ask you, honestly, from the heart, how did you, and quite frankly, how did Mrs. Romney feel when you heard your baby grandson Kieran was the target of political ridicule?”

Mitt Romney simply smiled and cooed for the camera, melting the hearts of women of color on basic cable news programs everywhere. With a neck barely able to prop up a humongous head in defiance of gravity, he then kicked America’s heart directly in the crotch with his lovably underdeveloped motor skills, saying, “I think people recognize, and the folks at MSNBC have apologized, recognize people like me are fair targets. If you get in the political game, you can expect incoming. But children, you know, that’s beyond the line, and I think they understand that, and feel that as well. I think it’s a heartfelt apology. I think for that reason, we hold no ill will whatsoever.”

And that’s where fake outrage babies come from.

(photo via Charles Dharapak/AP)

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  • muselet

    A gentleman would have accepted Melissa Harris-Perry’s apology and refused to say anything publicly about the matter.

    Mitt Romney is no gentleman. I truly wish I could say I was surprised.

    –alopecia

    • Badgerite

      The classiest comment from the Mittens would have been “No Comment”!