Judson Phillips Daydreams About “Giant Phallic” Pastry and Becoming a Gay Slave

It seems clear the Religious Right and the Tea Party spend more time thinking and talking about gay sex than actual gay people do.

Judson Phillips, the president of Tea Party Nation, is worried that, thanks to Arizona Governor Jan Brewer’s actions, good wholesome Christians will be forced to bake penis cakes, genitalia pastries, and photograph gay sex acts at gay weddings where, obviously, everyone will be nude as gay people are wont to do.

via Right Wing Watch

“Tyranny is on the march,” Phillips declares in a piece on the TPN website that he also emailed to members of the group, adding that business owners who are not allowed to discriminate against gays and lesbians are “slaves” to the “great liberal state,” aided by “French Republicans” like Brewer. [...]

Phillips then wonders if business owners will be forced to “create a cake for a homosexual wedding that has a giant phallic symbol on it,” “create pastries for a homosexual wedding in the shape of genitallia [sic],” or “photograph a homosexual wedding where the participants decide they want to be nude or engage in sexual behavior.”

say-what

Given that this cartoonish bizarro world Phillips imagines in no way resembles reality, I can only assume that these are his deepest fantasies that he’s airing out for the world to see.

Not that there’s necessarily anything wrong with daydreaming about genitalia pastries, but Phillips doth protest too much.

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  • muselet

    It’s tempting to point and laugh at paste-eaters like Judson Phillips, but Roy Edroso points out the nastiness lurking just barely beneath the surface of the “pity the poor business owners” argument (It’s a short post and I can’t think of a way of excerpting it that would do it justice, so follow the link and read it your own selves).

    –alopecia

    • zirgar

      We’ve just begun the Phallic Wars, apparently, between the good, free people of the Tea Party Republic and all the heathen, pervert Phallic tribes.

  • GrafZeppelin127

    By all means, haters, keep losing your shit in public like this. That’ll convince us.

  • zirgar

    I can’t wait to get married so I can have a wedding cake depicting a giant dong being inserted into a vagina and then my bride and I can tear off our clothes and make love on top of it! Because that’s what my heterosexuality causes me to do!

    • Badgerite

      Good stuff! LOL.

  • Username1016

    It absolutely slays me how many people hear the words “gay wedding” and can’t picture anything but an orgy. Um, guys? A wedding is a wedding. An orgy is an orgy.

  • Christopher Foxx

    Judson Phillips, the president of Tea Party Nation, is worried that, thanks to Arizona Governor Jan Brewer’s actions, good wholesome Christians will be forced to bake penis cakes, genitalia pastries, and photograph gay sex acts at gay weddings where, obviously, everyone will be nude as gay people are wont to do.

    This is what comes of lacking the mental capacity and/or courage to see things in other than absolutes.

    Of course nobody will be required to make penis cakes. You make the cakes you want to make, and sell them to anyone who wants to buy them. If you don’t want to make penis cakes (or square cakes, or cakes with anything other than vanilla frosting) you don’t have to, no matter how many people want them. You’re not forced to make what a customer wants, but you are required to sell what you make to anyone willing to meet your price.

    But to folks too stupid, too lazy or to much of a coward to deal with the grays of reality (aka Republicans, Tea Partiers and the hypocritically religious) , even as simple an idea as that is too hard to deal with. So they have to make it ridiculously simple and see it as “If you tell me what I can’t do here, they I can’t do anything anywhere.”

    • D_C_Wilson

      But it is fascinating to see the bizarre pornographic cartoon view they have for how people who aren’t like them act, Of course gays will strip down naked and have gay buttsex in front of all their friends and family because that’s all gays think about doing 24/7, right? The idea that homosexuals are just people who just happen to like people of the same gender never even crosses their minds. They never consider that gays and lesbians might actually have ideas about what behaviors are appropriate in public and what are not that aren’t really dissimilar to everyone else’s is completely foreign to them. To them, it’s all just one big pile of deviancy and sin. If you like to do A, why not do B, C, and D? It’s why they can never wrap their heads around the idea that homosexuality and pedophilia are two very different things. Or that allowing legal recognition of same sex couples won’t open the floodgates of people wanting to marry turtles.

      It’s fascinating and frightening at the same time.

      • Christopher Foxx

        To them, it’s all just one big pile of deviancy and sin. If you like to do A, why not do B, C, and D?

        More like: If you like to do A, then you also do B, C, and D! They see no maybe about it. Which, you’re absolutely correct, is a completely distorted view.

        The them, gay = different. And therefore must mean different in all possible ways. “Normal” people are decent and proper and don’t engage in public lewdness and aren’t sex maniacs and perverts and… So gays must be indecent and improper sex perverts who bugger in public at every opportunity. Right?

        That gay = different in one way but, other than that one exception, are exactly are like everyone else is seems inconceivable to them. IN many ways, it’s exactly what one does to the enemy in war time. Those Huns and Nips, you know they don’t love their children like we do. Right?

  • Christopher Foxx


    Tyranny is on the march,” Phillips declares

    Yes it is. But not in the direction Phillips is thinking.

  • villemar

    Methinks the lady doth protest too much.