‘Safety Guy’ GOP Lawmaker Gun Nut Shoots Hunting Buddy

Let’s just paint the portrait. You’re a lawmaker from Oklahoma, which naturally makes you a safety-first gun enthusiast and a weathered outdoorsman, championing freedom and liberty on the range for recreational food and male bonding.

You take to the wilderness like a fish in a tree, a natural in your mind, of God’s creation, and mowing down all the forest scum in America reassures you that you’re doing what it takes to keep the country from being overrun by woodland creatures from Mexico and The Center For American Progress. This is your time to give back to nature and set right the proper order of an emasculated food chain.

Hunting with your animal lynching posse used to be easy. You could just show up with your penis hanging out, pop off a couple mustachioed impressions of a real penis, and everyone knew you were the man to beat.

But you stopped doing impressions long ago, simply because liberals and their penile facial hair regulations have only left you with the choices of the “Tom Selleck” and the “John Waters.” And, damn it, you’ve made it your born-again mission in life to bring back “The Handlebar!” It’s just less-slimming.

But being a wage-slave to a taxpayer salary, plus great benefits, has left you frustrated and longing for some inner-peace with your 200 days of free time every year. So, with nowhere else to go to fill that emptiness inside up with the warm blood of your perceived enemies, you take to the woods.

It’s calming out here, amongst the trees, gently blowing upwind– the serene sounds of nature carry with it the chatter and camaraderie of your merry band of sadistic Southern rebels.

There you are with your 12-gauge shotgun, searching for food– big game pheasant. You spot a grouping that has managed to avoid your hunger long enough, and this bounty will no doubt feed your entire family of malnourished jug-blowers who no longer respect your penis’s barefaced ability to hunter/gather. You keep whispering to yourself, “today’s the day Daddy brings home the bounty, ingrates.”

Ah, rest and relaxation… and then, “Bang!”

“Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!”

Got one!”

OKLAHOMA CITY — A state representative who has authored pro-gun legislation is taking the blame for the accidental shooting of a hunter in northern Oklahoma a month ago.

“I just felt horrible about it. I just was sick,” said Rep. Steve Vaughan, who said he was shooting at a pheasant with a 12-gauge shotgun.

“A bird got up and flew between us, oh, probably 50 yards away,” he said. “I shot at the bird and, I guess, one of my BBs hit this guy. … I didn’t even know I hit him. I’m a safety guy. Gosh, I’m as safety as I can be. I was so mad at myself for even thinking about shooting the bird in this direction where I knew he was down in there.”

Another hunter, Drew Ihrig, was hit in the side of the head by a single shotgun pellet about the size of a BB.

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  • muselet

    Another responsible gun owner.

    I didn’t even know I hit him. I’m a safety guy. Gosh, I’m as safety as I can be.

    Steve Vaughan fired a shotgun in the direction of another hunter, but he’s a safety guy. Right.

    Vaughan sounds like he’s trying to prove he’s vice presidential material, but Vaughan’s victim just waved the incident away as no big deal while Dick Cheney’s victim apologized for putting his face in the way of the shot. Keep trying, Mr. Vaughan. Someday you’ll reach the requisite levels of carelessness and sociopathy necessary to be seriously considered for high office by today’s GOP.

    –alopecia

    • beulahmo

      Yeah, I noticed the guy he hit had the nerve to not apologize. That wanker.

      • muselet

        Exactly. Who does this Drew Ihrig think he is, anyway?

        –alopecia

  • beulahmo

    “Gosh I’m as safety as I can be.”

    I tried to get that one to catch on as our safety slogan at work. But I lost out to “Stay alert — accidents hurt!”

    Dang.

  • eljefejeff

    in all seriousness….this just illustrates that you can be as “safety” as you can but in fact guns are extremely dangerous. And I bet this a hole is the type to say guns don’t kill people, people kill people. So he shot someone. Doesn’t he deserve a prison sentence for attempted murder?

  • 1933john

    As usual, a couple of good laughs in this one, Mr. Brink.

  • http://cendax.wordpress.com/ Norbrook

    (sigh) While there’s a certain amount of schadenfreude about a gun nut accidentally hitting a friend, the anti-hunting rhetoric isn’t calculated to make gun owners feel friendly towards gun control legislation.

    • mrbrink

      Republican lawmaker gun nuts are a distinct breed of stupid. I was calculating my rhetoric to that. But now that you mention it, I guess I could have made hunting tiny birds with a 12 gauge sound more friendly.

      • http://cendax.wordpress.com/ Norbrook

        Again with the snark.

        First, pheasants aren’t tiny birds, second, they’re incredibly tough targets on the wing even with a 12 gauge (shot pattern), and third, they’re eaten after being killed.

        It’s not, as some here seem to believe, a matter of walking up to the little tiny bird crouched there and blowing it to pieces. Neither do the vast majority of hunters do so while drunk, as seems to be another common myth.

        This is why the NRA has so much success painting liberals as “wanting to take everyone’s guns away,” and why hunting groups have become their most strident supporters. People who have never been hunting, have never been out in the woods or fields, and who seem somehow willing to stereotype anyone who does. It makes life much more difficult for those of us who are for sensible gun laws and who do those things to make our case. Thanks for that.

        • mrbrink

          I’ve been out in the woods and the fields. I understand the hours and time away from family it takes to chase the birdies in the field.

          I have this debate with my older brother quite a bit. He’s a national elk calling champion who hosts a national hunting show who reminds me that there are intellectual hunters out there, but they are with out a doubt a minority. I have no wish to calm the cold blooded nerves of people who find comfort while out killing animals. Hunters resort to all sorts of reasoning– culling herds, rugged individualism, teaching children the value of killing animals yourself– and I’ve always found the accompanying superiority complex that goes with defending your rights and hunting and all that to be the greatest impediment to gun control.