Shorter Fox News: Obama is a Terrorist Sympathizer

Crazy McCain Lady

Why would President Obama exchange five prisoners held at Guantanamo Bay, who were going to be released anyway, for Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl?

Fox & Friends has the answer.

Fox News regular Keith Ablow speculated on Wednesday morning that President Obama orchestrated the release of U.S. Army Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl in exchange for five Taliban prisoners being held at Guantanamo Bay because the commander-in-chief “doesn’t affiliate with patriotism” and “wants out of America.”

“Barack Obama does not have the will of the American people, Americanism in his soul,” Ablow, a forensic psychiatrist who is part of the Fox News Medical A-Team, explained. “And this swap, somebody who may not feel very American for five people who definitely don’t, is symptomatic of that.

You’d have to be pretty goddamn patriotic to want to take on the responsibility and burden of governing America and all of its various assholes, including Keith Ablow and his Fox News colleagues.

“That’s a brilliant long-distance diagnosis by Doctor Ablow, but one must ask how he was able to yank such an insightful diagnosis so smoothly from his ass.

I, for one, have never met Keith Ablow, but as an honorary doctor of fine arts I’m willing to stake my professional reputation that he is stuck in an anal retentive stage caused by his parents shaming him during potty time. So it’s safe to assume that Doctor Ablow continues to wear a diaper and, as we speak, is using his own excrement to write out his ideas for tomorrow’s show.” -Stephen Colbert

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  • Christopher Foxx

    You’d have to be pretty goddamn patriotic to want to take on the responsibility and burden of governing America and all of its various assholes

    Dick Cheney’s power grabs were motivated by patriotism?

    • JMAshby

      Cheney didn’t view governance as a responsibility, he viewed it as an opportunity.

      “So?” – Dick Cheney

      • Brutlyhonest

        Also, too: The members of the cheney administration often spoke of ruling. Not governing.

        • JMAshby

          “This would be a whole lot easier if it were a dictatorship, so long as I’m the dictator.” Hyuck hyuck

      • Christopher Foxx

        Cheney didn’t view governance as a responsibility, he viewed it as an opportunity.

        This being my point: One does not, in fact, have to be pretty damned patriotic to take on the responsibility of being President.

        Or member of Congress, as daily demonstrated by our current crop.

  • Christopher Foxx

    That’s a brilliant long-distance diagnosis by Doctor Ablow, but one must ask how he was able to yank such an insightful diagnosis so smoothly from his ass.

    Or why some medical licensing board doesn’t review his license. I’d think a “doctor” who insisted on diagnosing patients he’d never met, and with such bizarre and clearly bogus diagnoses, would be sanctioned.

    • Jone_of_Snark

      Didn’t he did get his license from the School of Schiavo-istic Shysters?

      • Christopher Foxx

        Probably the same place as Rand Paul.

  • trgahan

    “Barack Obama does not have the will of the American people”

    Need clarification: the same American people who elected him twice by large margins? Who, by a wide margin, wanted Gitmo closed a long time ago and its detainees either tried or released?
    Those the people you’re talking about “Doctor” Ablow?

    • vgranucci

      No, he’s talking about the “Real Americans” who wouldn’t vote for Obama to win a bet.

      • beulahmo

        Right. Because Ablow knows that only FoxNews fans are the true, Real Americans. The unfortunate reality of their electoral minority status is overwhelmed, of course, by their undeniable righteousness.

  • muselet

    Referencing evidence that Bergdahl may have deserted his brigade in Afghanistan and grew disillusioned with America’s war mission, Ablow speculated that the Bergdahl family “may have a tendency to distance oneself from institutions, to diminish the rule of law and to elevate the individual above all else.” He also specifically referenced Bowe Bergdahl’s history of dancing in a ballet to suggest that he is narcissistic.

    But going on national television and speculating wildly about others is a sign of a perfectly healthy and well-adapted personality, right?

    Keith Ablow was born in Marblehead, Massachusetts. I’ll let you make up your own jokes.

    –alopecia

    • aynwrong

      Marblehead?!?!?!
      Truth is truly stranger then fiction.

  • Ken Kohl

    “Why would President Obama exchange five prisoners held at Guantanamo Bay, who were going to be released anyway, for Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl?”

    If you put that deal into a sports context, The Prez would make one helluva General Manager. Fcking brilliant. I am honestly impressed by this.