False Patriotism for False Patriots


Fox Host Gretchen Carlson has a thing or two to say about the students who walked out in protest in the Denver, Colorado area after the local school board proposed censoring their history curriculum.

Carlson is “all for” free speech and what not, but get the fuck out.

“The last time I checked, we were still living in the United States of America, where we have a national anthem and an American flag,” she said on her show, “The Real Story.” “Are they the next things to be controversial and talked about being thrown out? How could being patriotic or learning about patriotism be a negative?” [...]

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for freedom of speech and the ability to gather and state your claim. But, quite frankly, if you don’t like it here, and you have a problem with promoting the basic freedoms that men and women have died for — protesting for the rest of us and protecting us — then get out.

You could say the same thing to Gretchen Carlson.

The point made by students is that censoring our history is anti-American; that discouraging protest and disobedience is anti-American.

Why does Gretchen Carlson want to censor America’s history? Why does Gretchen Carlson hate America? If she doesn’t like it, she can leave.

Snark aside — I think I finally have the answer to my question. I finally understand why conservatives want to emulate the educational practices of nations they would call enemies by censoring negative events in our history.

Conservatives are afraid that, if we don’t censor our history, children will grow up to hate their own nation. To me this demonstrates a fundamental lack of confidence in America and Americans and, more specifically, the students they apparently believe are incapable of forming their own opinions.

The actions taken by students proves the conservative premise is wrong. They not only can form their own opinions; they want to form their own opinions.

Fox News is false patriotism for false patriots. There’s nothing patriotic about censoring the embarrassments of our past. The idea that we should somehow dupe students into having a romanticized picture of America is a perversion of patriotism.

Posted in Education, History | Tagged , , , | 14 Comments



Here’s an idea: let’s track immigrants just like Fedex packages.

Must credit Virginia Republican congressional candidate Barbara Comstock.

“I think immigration should be done by legislation, not executive action. I think first and foremost, we need to stop playing politics with this and secure the borders,” Comstock said at the debate against Democratic challenger John Foust. “Fedex can track packages coming in here all the time; we can track people who are coming into the country. And we can do that right.

Sure. Why not tattoo bar codes into their skin?

It’s not clear if Comstock realizes this is one of the biggest big government proposals that has ever been proposed or if that’s not a concern because they’re immigrants.

Posted in Immigration, Wingnuts | Tagged , , | 7 Comments

Download This Week’s After Party Podcast! $2 per Download!


NEW! Download this week’s show via our new Band Camp page. No subscription necessary. Only $2 per download! Major credit and debit cards accepted.

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This Week’s Pulse-Pounding Episode: “T-Shirt Cannon”: Fluoride Conspiracy; Chez Goes to PTA; South Park and the Washington Redskins; Outrage Over Redskins is Greater Than Outrage Over NFL Spousal Abuse; Gay-Bashing and Twitter; From Napster to U2′s Free Album; The Duggars’ Sex Tips; and much more.

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Morning Awesome

Journey – “Wheel in the Sky”

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The Bubble Genius Bob & Chez Show 9/25/14


RELM_buttonArtificial Penis: Syria airstrikes underway; GOP and Fox News focus on Obama’s coffee salute; Undermining the Commander-in-Chief; Silly Scandals; Meme Culture takes over; Eric Holder resigning; NSFW! – InfoWars Conspiracy Goon Dan Bidondi is outraged by a story that turns out to be fake; and much more. Brought to you by Bubble Genius, the BobCesca.com Amazon Link and The Bowen Law Group.

There’s more political banter in the Bob & Chez Show After Party. If you’re not a member, download individual After Party podcasts for $2 each via our Band Camp page.

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Posted in Bob and Chez Show | 9 Comments

Love it or Leave it


Artist – Nick Anderson

In other news, the Kansas state government is poised to plug a few holes in their budget by auctioning off thousands of sex toys.

I can’t imagine that will help Sam Brownback in his reelection bid.

Meanwhile, a former columnist for Forbes said yesterday that the biggest threat to college fraternities is drunk girls who are just asking to be raped because all it takes is “one irresponsible woman” to bring down a whole fraternity.

Bill Frezza is a former columnist because he was fired today.

Pro tip: don’t blame women for being raped.

Posted in Open Thread, Sex | Tagged , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Republicans Are People Too, Or So They Say

For the lack of a better term, I’m just going to say this is pathetic.

Republicans have launched a campaign to remind the world that they are people, too, and a party that needs to remind you that they’re people may have a problem that goes beyond branding.

‘We’re people, too’ seems like exactly the kind of thing an invasion force of lizard people would say.

Posted in Stupid Party | Tagged , | 14 Comments

Obamacare is Working


According to the Department of Health and Human Services and the Council of Economic Advisers, hospitals in state that have expanded Medicaid will save $4.2 billion in uncompensated care this year alone.

From The New York Times:

“Because of the Affordable Care Act,” Ms. Burwell said, “we project that hospitals will save $5.7 billion in uncompensated care costs this year. Hospitals in states that have expanded Medicaid are projected to save up to $4.2 billion of the total amount.” [...]

Uncompensated care represents the combined total of unpaid hospital bills and charity care provided to low-income patients.

It’s a different story for hospitals in states where Republican governors or Republican-controlled legislatures have refused to expand Medicaid.

In those states, hospitals are losing money and some have even been forced to close.

I have a hunch that the last of the holdout states will change their tune in 2017 and that won’t be a coincidence.

Posted in Healthcare | Tagged , | 1 Comment

Conspiracy Theory


The last time we caught up with William Gheen of the Americans for Legal Immigration PAC, he warned us that President Obama had conspired to bring thousands of immigrant children into America to serve as a private army either for China or for the North American Union.

If that’s true, what happened? Where’s the invasion? Where are the sleeper cells of 8-year olds?

According to Gheen, they haven’t attacked because the president is doing enough on his own to destroy America.

“Large numbers of terrorists have already exploited the inadequate patrol of our borders, and the reason they are not attacking us is because they are so pleased with the way things are going under President Obama.

Gheen said he believes thousands of potential terrorists have entered the country but are not attempting any attacks because they are quite happy with current policies coming out of the White House and the feeble Republican leadership.

It makes sense. Why show your hand if you don’t need to?

Of course it’s also possible that Gheen has simply found a way to negate his own predictions by saying they’re no longer necessary.

He learned from the best. Alex Jones has been following the some playbook since the 1990s. It’s more of a business model than a philosophy and, as the head of his own PAC, business is good.

It remains to be seen if any of the candidates supported by Gheen during the current election cycle will win, but if they do it would set a bad precedent.

The man who forced former House Majority Leader Eric Cantor out of office in a surprise primary victory sought, and was given, the endorsement of Gheen’s PAC. ALIPAC even produced a robocall for David Brat’s campaign.

Gheen may be a lunatic who is easily mocked, but he has close ties to current and prospective members of Congress who agree with him, the most notable of whom would be Secret Border Control Agent and Iowa congressman Steve King.

It would be easy to dismiss King as another lunatic who is easily mocked, but don’t forget that House Republicans literally handed their border legislation over to King and Michele Bachmann last month.

Posted in Conspiracy Theory, Immigration, Terrorism, Wingnuts | Tagged | 5 Comments

Outreach With Fox News’ The Five

Pilots who took part in the United Arab Emirates’ airstrikes on ISIS this week were led by the nation’s first female pilot, Major Mariam Al Mansouri.

That’s enough to make anyone giddy, but The Five hosts Eric Bolling and Greg Gutfield didn’t have quite the same takeaway as you probably did.

At 0:40

GUTFIELD: The problem is after she bombed it she couldn’t park it.

BOLLING: Would that be considered boobs on the ground or no?

Ha! Get it? Women can’t drive harr harr. She’s a woman so she has boobs and so it’s “boobs on the ground” hurr durr.

Great stuff, boys.

Posted in Super Stupid | Tagged , , , , , | 10 Comments


Government Handouts

Artist – Rob Rogers

In other news, a federal appeals court has overturned an injunction that prevented the investigation of Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker from continuing.

You can watch the president’s address to the UN General Assembly here.

Posted in Congress, Open Thread, President Obama | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Documented Piece of Shit Bob Murray is Worried About Workers


Murray Energy CEO Bob Murray, who as we’ve discussed before is a documented piece of shit, is very concerned about your granny and your jobs.

According to Murray, the EPA must be stopped because their new rules spell the end of coal as we know it and granny will be alone and in the dark because Murray Energy wasn’t there to save her.

“Grandma is going to be cold and in the dark with what they’re doing,” Murray said, according to the Pittsburgh Business Times. His predictions about the industry’s downfall are correct, he said, because of his relationship with God. “The good Lord has been with me for 58 years [in the business]. I’ve been right every time. That’s not me. The Lord did that.”

It’s ironic that Murray says God has kept him in business for 58 years because God apparently told him to fire over 150 employees after Mitt Romney lost the 2012 election. After saying that “the takers outvoted the producers,” Murray thanked the Lord for helping him build his “American business enterprise.” He then fired the innocent employees just as Free Market Jesus would have wanted.

Murray Energy rehired most of the employees he fired in retribution for the outcome of the election, so was God actually wrong about the need to fire them? Has the good Lord really been “right every time?”

Murray’s biblical delusions are amusing, but this is the really good part.

“It isn’t coming back. It’s permanent,” Murray said at a coal marketing conference in Pittsburgh, repeatedly using the word “destroyed” to describe the state of the industry, according to SNL Energy. “That’s what we see and that’s what we do our planning on. And remember, I have to make a payroll based on what we project.

It is an established fact that Murray doesn’t give a flying fuck about his payroll.

Bob Murray forced his miners to lose a day’s pay while appearing in a campaign ad for former presidential candidate Mitt Romney. And in addition to firing over 150 of them when Mitt Romney lost the election, he also recently fired a woman because she wouldn’t make political donations under the table as directed by Murray.

Bob Murray would sell your Grandma if it would keep him in business.

Posted in Worst Persons | Tagged , , , | 5 Comments

The Conservative War on History Continues

The conservative war on history, which recently reared its head in Texas where state officials voted to drop the Advanced Placement U.S. History curriculum because it was “anti-American,” has spread to the Denver, Colorado area where the local school board is following suit.

The Jefferson County school board appears to be going a step further, however, by dropping negative events in our history and discouraging civil disobedience.

via ThinkProgress

According to the curricula proposal, students would only be taught lessons depicting American heritage in a positive light, and effectively ban any material that could lead to dissent. Under the proposed policy, a review committee would regularly read instructional text and course syllabi to ensure that educational materials do not stray from subject matter that complies with the policy.

Admittedly to my surprise, students reacted to the proposed changes by walking out in protest, with one local senior saying that protest is part of what “America was built off of.”

These students are clearly a brighter bunch than my fellow students were at my high school. My fellow students in the late 1990s would have shrugged their shoulders and asked ‘who cares?’ This gives me hope that we may not be doomed after all, but I digress.

The New York Times has more details.

The teachers’ union, whose members forced two high schools to close Friday by calling in sick, has been in continual conflict with the new board; the board, in turn, has drawn praise from Americans for Prosperity-Colorado, a conservative group affiliated with the Koch family foundations. In April, Dustin Zvonek, the group’s director, wrote in an op-ed that the board’s election was an “exciting and hopeful moment for the county and the school district.” [...]

Almost from the outset, the three conservative newcomers to the five-person board clashed with the two others, and a steady stream of 3-to-2 votes came to represent the sharp divisions on the board and in the community. [...]

“We’ve had conservatives on our board before,” said Michele Patterson, the president of the district’s parent-teacher association. “They were wonderful. These people, they’re not interested in balance or compromise. They have a political agenda that they’re intent on pushing through.”

I keep coming back to the same question.

Why do conservatives want to emulate the educational practices of nations they would call enemies by censoring negative events in our history? Isn’t that what they accuse liberals of doing? Don’t they trot out boogeymen like George Soros and Saul Alinksy and accuse liberals of rewriting history? Don’t they accuse liberals of brainwashing and indoctrinating our children?

In multiple locations across the country, conservative school board members are doing exactly that and it may be the most revolting conservative cause ce le bre today.

Posted in Education, History, Koch Brothers | Tagged , , | 17 Comments

Serious People for Serious Times

Conservatives aren’t merely freaking out over the “latte salute” as Tommy Christopher points out; they’re launching an entire campaign centered around it.

If you provide the NRSC with all the details they need to send you fundraising pitches in the future, they’ll send you one of these bumper stickers.


If you actually encounter someone with one of these free bumper stickers, it would not be unreasonable to feel like you are a better person than they are. If you see someone with one of these, know that they are a total loss.

Posted in Stupid Party, Super Stupid | Tagged , , , | 12 Comments

Bill O’Reilly’s Outlandish Proposal For a Mercenary Army of 25,000 Privateers to Fight ISIS

Bill O’Reilly figured out the solution to the Middle East’s ISIS problem, and it doesn’t involve American troops on the ground or in the skies above Iraq and Syria. O’Reilly’s solution might as well be the A-Team — bayonet-charging into Raqqa aboard a herd of screeching velociraptors, it’s just that ridiculous. Briefly put, Bill O’Reilly wants to hire and train 25,000 elite mercenaries to scare the piss out of ISIS, and he’s not only absolutely positive this will work, but he’s certain that this is exactly what will happen.

“It’s going to happen. This anti-terror army is going to happen,” he said Tuesday morning on CBS, just 12 hours or so after pitching the far-fetched concept during the opening segment of his Monday night edition of The O’Reilly Factor. Here’s his scheme:

We need ground forces. However, the American people, perhaps rightly so, don’t want to send any more of our troops into these chaotic countries. What about a mercenary army, elite fighters well paid, well trained to defeat terrorists all over the world? Here’s how it will work. Fighters recruited by America and trained in the U.S.A. by our Special Forces. U.S. Army rules of engagement would be followed, strict discipline formed by the Geneva Convention. America would be selecting who makes the cut and how they are deployed with an eye on a 25,000 person force. American and NATO officers would lead the mercenary army and the U.S.A. would also provide logistical support, each soldier would sign a contract, three year commitment and again they would be highly paid.

Not only is this proposal absurd to anyone with a functioning intellect, but as my liberal (small “l”) interventionist friend Professor Tom Nichols, Ph.D. from the Naval War College told O’Reilly to his face during the segment, it’s highly immoral, “Well, Bill, I understand your frustration. I really do. But this is a terrible idea, a terrible idea not just as a practical matter but a moral matter. It’s a morally corrosive idea to try to outsource our national security. This is something Americans are going to have to deal for themselves. We’re not going to solve this problem by creating an army of Marvel Avengers or the Guardians of the Galaxy.”


Posted in The Daily Banter | 2 Comments

Morning Awesome

Red Hot Chili Peppers – “Can’t Stop” Live

Posted in Morning Awesome, Music | Tagged | Leave a comment

Greatest Generation of Takers


Artist – Pat Bagley

In other news, infamous asshole Dinesh D’Douchebag was sentenced to five years of probation and community service today. He’ll also spend eight months in a “community confinement center.”

Meanwhile, a Louisiana state judge has overturned the state’s ban on same-sex marriage.

Posted in Open Thread | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Colbert on Charles Krauthammer’s Non-Diagnosis

As a conservative pundit it’s Stephen Colbert’s responsibility to “carefully weight the facts and objectively determine how the president is wrong” and his hero is Charles Krauthammer. A man who is willing to “back up his non-diagnosis with hard non-data.”

For the record I have forsworn my psychiatric authority because I never had any, and to be clear I am not claiming any insight or any training or any interest in human behavior, but in my layman’s opinion — as if I were raised by wolves — I just want to say that a former psychiatrist willing to give an on-air diagnosis of a stranger, while at the same time claiming he isn’t doing that, is not a narcissist. He’s just kind of a dick.

Posted in Comedy, Stephen Colbert | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

All Obama’s Fault All The Time

Without a hint of irony, Jim Geraghty of The National Review writes that the ultimate lesson of the Obama presidency is that “accountability if for suckers.”

Geraghty didn’t merely blame the president for the NFL’s ongoing scandals; he blames the president for basically everything bad that has ever happened.

via ThinkProgress

“Does our president just reflect a broad cultural trend in the behavior of leaders, or does he set the tone from the top?” he asks in his lead.

Geragthy goes on to list every single Obama era scandal (manufactured or not), to expose how the President is personally responsible for the lackluster leadership of CEOs and sports commissioners across the country.

To say that Geraghty lists every scandal of the last five years and blames the president for it is not an exaggeration.

In the following order, he blames President Obama for the NFL’s abuse scandals, General Motors’ vehicle recalls, NBC News hiring Chelsea Clinton, and the Freedom Industries spill in West Virginia. And according to him, these are just like the fake IRS and Veterans Affairs scandals. Also the NSA, Benghazi, Obamacare, and that terrible last season of your favorite TV show.


According to Geraghty these are all signs of poor leadership at the top and a climate in which there’s no accountability.

I call that ironic because nothing is stopping CEOs or commissioners of private companies and organizations from taking personal responsibility and holding themselves accountable. Don’t conservatives believe in personal responsibility, or it it simply easier to blame Obama?

The buck doesn’t stop here.

Posted in Ethics | Tagged , , , | 5 Comments

House GOP Lawsuit Too Embarrassing for Law Firm

Suing Obama

I missed this bit of news over the weekend and I regret that I did because it’s a very amusing bit of news.

The lawyer hired by House Republicans to handle their lawsuit against President Obama for his use of executive orders has quit the case out of embarrassment.

The New York Times reported on Friday that David B. Rivkin Jr. quit because his law firm was embarrassed.

Two people with knowledge of the situation said Mr. Rivkin withdrew from the case under pressure after facing criticism that he had taken on an overly partisan lawsuit. Some members of the firm feared the case against Mr. Obama could drive off potential clients and hurt Baker Hostetler’s credibility, according to one of the people with knowledge of the case. Both people said they were prohibited from publicly discussing such a delicate case.

One begins to wonder if the House GOP’s lawsuit will ever even see the inside of a court room.

On Friday of last week the 7th Circuit Court of Appeals threw out a lawsuit filed by conservative doctors challenging the president’s delay of the employer mandate. The lawsuit filed by House Republicans is similar and I expect it will also be thrown out if it even makes it that far.

As you may recall, House Republicans debated what their lawsuit would be about for weeks before they actually filed it because they couldn’t determine which issue would have the best chance of not being thrown out of court.

Posted in Epic Fail | Tagged , , , | 4 Comments