We’re All Going to Die After These Messages


Artist – Chan Lowe

To answer my own question which I posted last week — peak fearmonger clearly is a myth because this just keeps getting more ridiculous.

Writing for the Washington Post, Marc Thiessen shares a hypothetical bio-terrorism snuff film that takes place in his head each night.

Terrorists could collect samples of infected body fluids, and then place them on doorknobs, handrails or airplane tray tables, allowing Ebola to spread quietly before officials even realize that a biological attack has taken place.

Think it can’t happen? If an Ebola-infected Liberian, Thomas Eric Duncan, was able to fly to Dallas, what is to stop an Ebola-infected terrorist from doing the same? And if our health-care system was unable to handle a single Ebola patient, imagine what would happen if 50, 100 or more Ebola patients started showing up at U.S. hospitals.

The only people infected by Thomas Eric Duncan were the nurses who directly cared for him without protective gear. Duncan traveled here and had close contact with family without infecting anyone else.

Our healthcare system is handling other Ebola patients just fine. Thomas Eric Duncan was handled poorly by for-profit hospital administrators who first sent him home from the ER and did not prepare their staff for what they faced next. You could make the case that the only reason he died is because he was sent home after his first visit to the hospital.

What’s to stop terrorists from smearing Ebola on your doorknobs? I don’t know, what’s to stop monkeys from flying out of Thiessen’s ass?

Posted in Open Thread, Terrorism | Tagged , , | 2 Comments

Texas Scientists Argue Reducing Pollution Might be Harmful to Health

Did you know that if we remove pollution from the air, it may actually have a negative impact on health?

I hadn’t heard that fantastical bit of information either, but that’s what the chief toxicologist of Texas says.

“I haven’t seen the data that says lowering ozone will produce a health benefit. In fact, I’ve seen data that shows it might have a negative health benefit.” Michael Honeycutt, the agency’s chief toxicologist, said in an interview. [...]

Honeycutt has long held that the voluminous scientific record on the health benefits of lowering ozone from its current levels is flawed.

“After an in-depth review of the EPA’s analysis, as well as a thorough study of the relevant scientific literature, the TCEQ has concluded that there will be little to no public health benefit from lowering the current [ozone] standard,” Honeycutt wrote in an article for the TCEQ’s monthly newsletter. He added, “Why regulate something that is not really going to have a benefit?”

If the state is pinning its hopes on rolling back federal regulation of greenhouse gas emissions on the idea that reducing pollution may do more harm than good, I don’t think they stand much of a chance.

Then again, Texas falls under the jurisdiction of the deplorable and abhorrent Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals so it could be years before this is settled.

As the Texas Tribune points out, the position of Texas Commission on Environmental Quality (TCEQ) scientists is at odds with the greater scientific community and reality as we know it. Not that there was much of a mystery there unless you believe breathing in fumes produced by coal-fired power plants is beneficial.

Posted in Environment | Tagged , , | 3 Comments

LA. Senate Candidate Will Run Over Obamacare With His Truck, Or Something

Tea Party senate candidate Rob Maness (R-LA) has released an unintentionally hilarious campaign ad promising to run over Obamacare with his motorized penis extension.

There’s also something about his truck being covered in mud that isn’t quite as funny.

After driving to all of Louisiana’s 64 perishes, my truck reminds me of our country under Obama: running on empty, needs a tune-up and a good wash.

Washington politicians can’t fix our problems or our trucks. Thanks to them we’ve got crushing deficits, porous borders, and Obamacare.

As Louisiana Senator, I’ll always put Louisiana over Washington and I’ll make Obamacare roadkill. I’m retired Colonel Rob Maness and I approve this message.


Of course there’s just a few problems here, such as the deficit being at it’s lowest point since 2007, the border being more secure than ever, and — he doesn’t actually say what the problem with Obamacare is, just that he’ll run over it.

And then there’s him saying his truck covered in brown mud reminds him of life under Obama; mud that he washes off with a hose to reveal a pristine, white truck.

I don’t know how much to read into that, but that’s what I see.

Posted in Stupid Party, Super Stupid | Tagged , , , , | 3 Comments

RNC Co-Chair: Wisconsin Voters Are Dumb


If Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker loses his bid for reelection, the only possible explanation is that Wisconsin voters are big dummies, according to the co-chair of the Republican National Committee.

Sharon Day, the co-chair, told the audience, “It’s not going to be an easy election, it’s a close election. Like I said, much closer than I can even understand why.

I don’t want to say anything about your Wisconsin voters but, some of them might not be as sharp as a knife.

She’s not saying, she’s just sayin’ — the only reason the election is close is because Wisconsinites are idiots. It couldn’t possibly be because Scott Walker has been a disaster.

Way to win them over.

Posted in Epic Fail | Tagged , , | 7 Comments

Rwanda Will Screen Hysterical Americans for Ebola

I love this.

In response to Ebola hysterics in America, the African nation of Rwanda will now screen passengers from America for the Ebola virus.

On October 19, the Rwandan Ministry of Health introduced new Ebola Virus Disease screening requirements. Visitors who have been in the United States or Spain during the last 22 days are now required to report their medical condition—regardless of whether they are experiencing symptoms of Ebola—by telephone by dialing 114 between 7:00 a.m. and 8:00 p.m. for the duration of their visit to Rwanda (if less than 21 days), or for the first 21 days of their visit to Rwanda. Rwandan authorities continue to deny entry to visitors who traveled to Guinea, Liberia, Senegal, or Sierra Leone within the past 22 days.

This is a response to moronic Americans kicking kids out of school because the’re from, or have recently been to, Rwanda or other African nations.

It would make more sense to screen children with family members who’ve had the flu or children who come from homes with guns.

But this is ‘Merika. We don’t make sense.

Posted in Education, Super Stupid | Tagged , | 4 Comments

Nothing to Fear


Artist – Pat Bagley

We already know that Wisconsin AG candidate Brad Schimel (R) would defend an interracial marriage ban if given a chance, but would Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott, who is running for governor, defend an interracial marriage ban?

Abbott was asked that question by the San Antonio Express News and he refused to answer.

“Actually, the reason why you’re uncertain about it is because I didn’t answer the question. And I can’t go back and answer some hypothetical question like that,” Abbott said.

Again, this seems like an easy question to me just as it did when Brad Schimel answered the question, but it’s not easy if you’re a Republican.

The correct answer is no.

Posted in Open Thread | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

Larry Klayman’s Latest Brain Droppings


Anti-NSA complainant and leader of the failed movement to overthrow the government Larry Klayman has taken to the pages of WorldNutDaily to warn us that President Obama has intentionally “opened the door” for viral suicide bombers because he’s The Real Racist.

via RightWingWatch

“Obama has opened the door for Muslim terrorists to infect themselves with this deadly virus, illegally enter our country and spread the disease widely.” [...]

Klayman argues that Obama had declined to enact a ban on travelers coming from West Africa not because medical and disease experts have advised against such a move, but because the president is “a reverse racist whose actions, not just with regard to Ebola but across the board, are skewed toward feathering the nest of ‘his’ people, and calculated to harm the rest of us if not destroy the entire country.”

“His people” in this case is quite obviously implied to mean Africans or black people, and apparently the fact that the president has not enacted a travel ban (which experts say are ineffective) is evidence that he is a reverse racist who wants to infect white people.

The president is such a reverse-racist, Klayman says, that he’s easily just as racist as former Alabama Governor George Wallace. Because something something Ebola travel ban.

It’s easy to mock Larry Klayman, but the truth is he’s been scooped by a sitting congressman. Wisconsin Senator Ron Johnson said on Thursday of last week that it’s a “real and present danger” than ISIS may intentionally infect themselves with Ebola and then travel here.

Posted in Conspiracy Theory, Racism, Terrorism, Wingnuts | Tagged , , | 2 Comments

Wisconsin AG Candidate Brad Schimel Shits on the Working Poor


Wisconsin attorney general candidate Brad Schimel (R) seems intent on letting us all know that he’s an asshole.

via ThinkProgress

MILWAUKEE, WISCONSIN—Brad Schimel, the Republican candidate for Attorney General, told supporters at a Milwaukee County Republicans party that he’s tired of the contentious statewide debate over the minimum wage.

I want every one of our neighbors to have a job again, a well-paid job, so we don’t have to argue about minimum wage for someone working at Burger King,” he said. “Let’s get them a real job.

It’s nice that Schimel wants everyone to have a well-paid job, but we do not live in a world where that’s a possibility for everyone. There will always be those at the top and those at the bottom, but we have a responsibility to ensure that the bottom is not a poverty wage.

The minimum wage in Wisconsin is $7.25, meaning that even someone who works full-time while making the minimum wage is going to live in poverty.

Brad Schimel is an asshole for telling a large swath of workers that they don’t have real jobs and thus don’t deserve higher wagers.

Dealing with shitty customers and corporate jackassery on a long stretch for minimum wage is as real as it gets in America.

As you may recall, Schimel recently made headlines when he said he would have defended a state ban on interracial marriage. Schimel’s candidacy is an insult to just about everyone who isn’t an affluent, straight white person. But what does it mean to be a Republican today if not that?

Posted in Assholery | Tagged , , , , | 6 Comments

The Jury is Still Out


George “Not a Scientist” Will says the jury is still out on whether or not the Ebola virus can be transmitted through the air.

During an interview with Fox News Sunday host Chris Wallace, George insisted that the science is not settled even though it is completely settled.

“There are doctors who are saying that in a sneeze or some cough, some of the airborne particles can be infectious,” Will said. [...]

“We’re getting used to people declaring scientific debates closed, over and settled — they rarely are.”

To say that the science is not settled seems to be the new line that’s deployed any time a conservative writer or politician needs to make an argument that doesn’t hold water. Whether it’s climate change, abortion, or deadly diseases, scientific fact can be very inconvenient if that you don’t like what the facts say.

To quote Neil deGrasse Tyson — “The good thing about science is that it’s true whether or not you believe in it.”

The doctors referred to by Will did not actually say what he claims they said.

Posted in Science | Tagged , , | 7 Comments

Wisconsin Republicans Really Hate High Voter Turnout


With Wisconsin’s voter ID law on hold, Republicans in the state have revealed their backup plan: volunteer fraud police.

Milwaukee County’s Republican Elections Commissioner Rick Baas warned a crowd of volunteers and supporters Friday night to be “concerned about voter fraud,” and urged the hundreds of attendees to take an “extra step of vigilance.” “You as a Wisconsin resident can challenge people who are not supposed to be voting,” he said at the Milwaukee County Republicans event. “You’ve got to do that.”

There is virtually no chance that a Republican voter in Milwaukee, or anywhere else in the state, will encounter a case of fraud. There is a slim to none chance that a Republican voter in any state in the country will encounter a legitimate case of fraud on election day or on the next five election days.

I’d call it negligent at best for an elections commissioner to fill people’s heads with the idea that they could personally put a stop to fraud or that fraud is a widespread problem.

“People who are not supposed to be voting” could be interpreted in terrible ways on an individual basis, to say the least. Given that voter ID laws across the country have been challenged on the grounds that they’re discriminatory, those people could be the people who are “not suppose to be voting.”

Posted in Voter Suppression | Tagged , , , | 12 Comments

During Ebola Scare, Ted Cruz Rejects Obama’s Surgeon General Nominee for Being “Anti-Gun”

For several years now, it’s become abundantly clear that the Republican Party is being, shall we say, puppeteered by the National Rifle Association. The heat of a thousand suns has been hurled at the GOP’s relationship to the Koch Brothers, but the NRA seems to wield greater influence over the party, managing to convince Republican leadership to not only vote its way on everything, regardless of whether the issue relates to guns, but to also vote against the will of Republican voters, not to mention actual NRA members.

Case in point: several months after Sandy Hook, there was 91 percent support for a congressional amendment that would’ve expanded background checks for gun purchases, yet the Republicans successfully filibustered the amendment in spite of nearly universal support. Worse, expanded background checks enjoyed 74 percent support from NRA members, with 87 percent support from gun owners in general. Filibustered anyway.

How else do we explain that? The NRA and its bottomless tanker-truck of unregulated cash has the GOP by the balls, and Wayne LaPierre’s crone-like talons appear to be digging deeper by the hour.

Unless you live in a hole, you’ve probably noticed how the Republicans have been leaning on the jolly, candy-like panic button, irresponsibly inciting fear and paranoia over the Ebola virus, even though The Daily Banter‘s Chez Pazienza has been married to more people than who’ve died from Ebola inside the U.S. The Republicans have gone so far as to totally contradict their anti-czar red-baiting from 2009 — demanding that President Obama appoint an Ebola Czar. This is how freaked out they are over the Ebola threat: Did we really say czars were bad? J/K!

But here we are… CONTINUE READING

Posted in The Daily Banter | 1 Comment

Morning Awesome

Foo Fighters – “Miracle” Live on Letterman

Posted in Morning Awesome, Music | Tagged | Leave a comment

Get Out The Vote


Artist – Tim Eagan

In other news, the National Republican Congressional Committee (NRCC) has gone full race-baiter in Nebraska, linking state Senator Brad Ashford (D) to a tattooed killer because Ashford supports laws that allow prisoners to get out early for good behavior. These are unrelated things but ooga booga!

Meanwhile, President Obama has appointed Ron Klain, a former chief of staff to Vice President Joe Biden, as the Ebola Czar who will oversee the response to the virus. And a few minutes after he made the appointment, conservatives began attacking him after spending the whole week calling for a Czar. Because of course.

Posted in Open Thread | Tagged , , , , , , | 3 Comments

The Last Perspiration of Crist

Jon Stewart thanks Jesus for delivering unto him the Florida gubernatorial debate.

It’s hard to imagine this is our country.

Colbert also took a few minutes to address “python on ecstasy” Rick Scott.


Posted in Comedy, Rick Scott, Stephen Colbert | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

Conspiracy Theory


It’s been a couple weeks so I guess we were overdue for an Obama’s Secret Immigrant Army conspiracy theory.

The executive director of Gun Owners of America, Larry Pratt, warns us that President Obama will enlist immigrants in his secret army because they’re the only ones he can count on to be loyal.

Pratt, who once wondered if Obama will have a private army to fight in his looming race war, told a listener on the conservative radio show “Crosstalk” this week that the president will enlist immigrants in his private “Praetorian Guard.”

Bring them in from out of town, they don’t have any connectivity with the folks in the area and they’re only going to be loyal to the guy who brought him,” he explained.

At some point you realize that virtually every conspiracy theory of this nature features interchangeable actors. In this case it’s undocumented immigrants who will supposedly form the bulk of the president’s army, but this is not a new idea. Conspiracy theorists such as Alex Jones have long predicted that the president (past, present, or future) will bring U.N. troops into the country to do their bidding because they’re from out of town.

The idea that a past, present, or future president will bring in outside help for their takeover is the reason “patriot” groups like the Oathkeepers exist. They believe it’s their mission to stop it.

It’s not as if this is an even remotely realistic scenario but, you know, you can do your part to stop it by buying more guns immediately.


Posted in Conspiracy Theory, Immigration, Wingnuts | Tagged , | 3 Comments


Picard and Riker Facepalm

How do you spot a campaign tracker (someone watching for gaffes) if they don’t wear name tags?

According to the staff of California Republican congressional candidate Carl DeMaio, you should be on the look out for young black people who talk to you.

Specifically, the campaign manager, Tommy Knepper, said in an email exchange on April 19 obtained by The Washington Examiner, that possible trackers could be spotted if they’re young, African American, young and at a Saturday morning event, or very talkative to staffers.


1. Young-red flag
2. black-red flag
3. young at saturday morning event-HUGE red flag
4. Very curious and want to talk to staff a a lot-red flag

To put it another way, if a black person attends your weekend campaign event and asks questions about the campaign, that would be a triple “red flag” as a possible tracker. If they’re young and black and they ask questions at your weekend event, they’re almost certainly a tracker.

I just don’t think treating people of color or young people in general as suspicious because they’re at your campaign event is such a good idea if you want them to vote for you.

If you’re so afraid of people who ask a lot of questions, maybe you should come up with better answers.

Posted in Epic Fail | Tagged , , | 3 Comments

No, You!

The voices in Louie Gohmert’s head have been whispering to him again.

During a radio interview with Glenn Beck, Louie said the nurses who’ve been infected with Ebola are emblematic of the Democrats’ War on Women.

Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Texas) said during a radio interview that Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) Director Tom Frieden is “the new commander of the Democrats’ war on women nurses.”

“Because they set them up and then they throw them under the bus,” the conservative lawmaker added.

If anyone has thrown nurses under the bus, it’s administrators at the Dallas Presbyterian Hospital (a for-profit hospital) who reportedly rejected requests from nurses to place Thomas Eric Duncan in isolation.

Hospital management sent Duncan home from the ER, and when he returned the nurses who cared for him weren’t provided proper protective gear for several days.

You don’t even have to mention the fact that Republicans have been the driving force behind cuts to the CDC and NIH to clearly demonstrate the Louie Gohmert, a sitting congressman, has no idea what he’s talking about.

The accusation that this is part of a Democratic “war on women” is projection.

Posted in War On Women, Wingnuts | Tagged , , | 5 Comments

Download This Week’s After Party Podcast! $2 per Download!


NEW! Download this week’s show via our new Band Camp page. No subscription necessary. Only $2 per download! Major credit and debit cards accepted.

If you’re already a member, go on in.

This Week’s Pulse-Pounding Episode: “Suckerpunch Truth Bludgeon”: The Greaseman; Ted Nugent’s Illiterate Assassination Threat; SPOILERS: We Review David Fincher’s Gone Girl; SPOILERS: We Review Robert Downey Jr in The Judge; SPOILERS: We Review Captain America: The Winter Soldier (Late); Marvel versus DC Comics; The Forthcoming Slate of Justice League Movies; Zack Snyder; The Superfriends; and much more.

Posted in Bob and Chez Show | Tagged | 2 Comments

The Bubble Genius Bob & Chez Show 10/9/14


RELM_buttonEnd Times: Big Announcement on Bob’s YouTube Copyright Fracas with Sarah Palin; Ebola and The End Times; Drudge Report Has Gone Full Apocalypse; Cable News is Disgraceful; Dr. Oz is Inciting Panic; Sam Harris and Bill Maher Versus the World; Greenwald Trolls; and much more. Brought to you by Bubble Genius, the BobCesca.com Amazon Link and The Bowen Law Group.

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There’s more political banter in the Bob & Chez Show After Party. If you’re not a member, download individual After Party podcasts for $2 each via our Band Camp page.

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Posted in Bob and Chez Show | 6 Comments


Isolation Room

Artist – Adam Zyglis

In other news, jobless claims dipped to a 14-year low during the week ending October 11th.

Meanwhile, the Environmental Protection Agency has announced $43 million in environmental projects for Native American tribes who are unable to cope with drought in the southwest.

Posted in Jobs, Open Thread | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment